peering into the past, from the future.

I chuckle, but also I was stunned as I ran across this tonight.  This was a blog I had written in an old notebook, to be posted I guess later that day.  It was written in fall 2005, my Junior year of college, 20 years old, and actually reminds me more of what my realities were then, helps me understand where I used to stand on some things.

When you read, you’ll see why, it’s funny, but totally crazy too.  Comments to come later.

 

November 13, 2005 11:22 a.m.

Currently, as I’m composing this blog, I’m sitting at Lisa Popeill’s “Workshop for Singing Non-Classical Styles” or something like that).  Al I can say is I’M BORED!  If I could, I would start walking back to Redding right now.

It’s all interesting, I completely agree.  BUT I just don’t want to be here.

So, my mind is wandering, we’ll see what I feel like writing about.  I wish I had a computer in front of me, instead of all these notes.

Anyway, I have been thinking quite a bit about many subjects.  I’m thankful that God reveals things to us in his time.  For quite a while, I always felt that I wouldn’t get married until I was much older, like 25 or 26 (even though it’s not THAT old).  Anyway, but as of late, over this past summer, and this semester, I’ve begun to really pray for the Lord’s will on this subject.

(fast forward some boring things)

One of the reasons I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit has to do with what’s going to happen in my life after I graduate.  For a while, I thought about graduate school, and it’s still in the back of my mind.  but I really believe God is calling me to be a full-time Worship Pastor.

As a woman, I would be very fearful to enter into the ministry and be single.  I mean, yes, I know I COULD do it, but without that support?  I know if I had great friends around me, living with me, that would be AMAZING, but the truth is I don’t know where I’ll be going.

I know I could follow someone whether it’s a significant other or closer friend.  Churches are everywhere, and always could have needs for Worship Pastors.

All I know is what God is calling me to… and I don’t really know what that’s going to look like.  I’m just walking down a road, a path.  I don’t know where I’m heading, but I know I’m following CHRIST with all that’s in me.

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What lies ahead

As the dance between summer and fall becomes slower, summer gives way to fall, and a million memories rush.  Memories of what seems like a past life.  Football, high school, happy times, sad times, thankfulness, and everything else I love and hate at the same time.  The rain is a familiar friend, but not always a welcomed friend here in Oregon, but, right now it doesn’t matter much.  It’s just nice to see a little change in the weather for now.

This fall will be different.  I struggle to find the words to say sometimes, but on November 15 I will leave to enter into what often feels like dream land for me, Thailand.  Sometimes I have to pinch myself to remember, oh yeah, that was real, I used to live in Thailand!  I will be grateful to give up a little fall, to return back to summer, and to a time that feels so long ago, yet at the same time seems like just yesterday.  The sights, smells, feeling, I can close my eyes and see it all now.

It is a bittersweet time too.  Remembering what was, not only Thailand, but other memories.  This is a new chapter, so part of this trip will be addressing and understanding that I may not be called back to SE Asia at all, or not anytime soon, or sooner than I expect.  I don’t worry about this, I know what will be, will be.

Either way, it will be an amazing time.

But for now, I will enjoy the cool, crisp mornings, and be super thankful for non-polluted air, and beautiful falls in Oregon.