Midnight Light, part 2

The following is an excerpt from the free Advent devotional, Darkness & Light; download your free copy today.

December 11

Midnight Light, part 2

by Meridith Matson

Holocaust survivor and Jew Viktor Frankl survived Auschwitz, one of the most brutal concentration camps during World War 2. He was also a neurologist and psychiatrist and took his experience in the camp as a chance to understand human behavior. Frankl is most known for his book Man’s Search for Meaning, originally titled in German: trotzdem Ja zum Leben sagen: Ein Psychologe erlebt das Konzentrationslager. That is, “…Nevertheless Say ‘Yes’ to Life: A Psychologist Experiences the Concentration Camp.”

Frankl observed three stages of most prisoners: shock, apathy, and lastly reactions to dehumanization. Ultimately, the prisoner’s ability to survive depended entirely on their outlook and inner world. If the prisoners had a hope for the future and a reason to hold on in their spirit, they would survive. If all hope was lost, they were destined to die in the camp one way or another.

Frankl writes about one memory in particular:

“We stumbled on in the darkness, over big stones and through large puddles, along the one road leading from the camp. The accompanying guards kept shouting at us and driving us with the butts of their rifles. Anyone with very sore feet supported himself on his neighbor’s arm. Hardly a word was spoken; the icy wind did not encourage talk[…]

That brought thoughts of my own wife to mind. And as we stumbled on for miles, slipping on icy spots, supporting each other time and again, dragging one another up and onward, nothing was said, but we both knew: each of us was thinking of his wife. Occasionally I looked at the sky, where the stars were fading and the pink light of the morning was beginning to spread behind a dark bank of clouds. But my mind clung to my wife’s image, imagining it with an uncanny acuteness. I heard her answering me, saw her smile, her frank and encouraging look. Real or not, her look was then more luminous than the sun which was beginning to rise.

A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth—that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love.”

Reflection: How has love been an instrument of light and salvation for you in times of darkness?

Lessons from the birds

Yesterday I was thinking about the birds.  They never go hungry and they are all within the loving eye gaze of our Heavenly Father.

Today as I bustled around the house putting things away and cleaning, I heard a rather loud thump outside our bedroom window.  I walked over and upon further examination, just beneath our window, I saw a small, brown bird, fluttering and moving about, trying to get up after flying (crashing) into the window.  The sheer volume of the collision made me wonder if the crash had injured it beyond recovery.

I caught myself by surprise as I verbally spoke to it – “Get up!”

“Get up, you can do it.”

I am not an animal person, but today, I was.

My eyes began to well with tears as I watched it, trying and trying to pull itself up, and after a few more moments of straining, it stopped moving completely, and laid it’s head down.

I couldn’t believe it – a bird died all alone, right in front of my eyes.  (This is coming from someone who only had one dog growing up.  My sisters and I were all devastated when she died – I just can’t handle any kind of suffering.)

Then a few hours later, I remembered… yesterday I was thinking about the birds.  And worry.

Look at the birds in the sky. They do not store food for winter. They don’t plant gardens. They do not sow or reap—and yet, they are always fed because your heavenly Father feeds them. And you are even more precious to Him than a beautiful bird. If He looks after them, of course He will look after youWorrying does not do any good; who here can claim to add even an hour to his life by worrying?

Matthew 6:26-27, The Voice

Oh, how I worry.  I worry about anything and everything.  What people think about me, what I will eat, how I will accomplish this or that… some days, it consumes me.

And then there was this bird.  Seen.  Fed by God.  The bird that died in front of me (and its body is still on the roof in front of our window… we should probably do something about that soon).  And how much more than this bird are we, mankind, known, loved, cared for and seen by our Heavenly Father.  Humans made in God’s image, of course he cares so deeply for us.  He sent his only son for us, to die and rise again, so we could be adopted into his family and redeemed.

There is no reason to worry.

Yesterday I was thinking about the birds, but today I am thinking about how loved and cared for we are by our Heavenly Father.

“So why should I worry?  Why do I freak out?  God knows what I need, he knows what I need.” – Jon Foreman

lessons from the birds

arrival of advent

The arrival of advent awaits us.  Beginning December 3, the church begins a season of expectation and waiting, culminating on Christmas Day as we celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

A few friends of mine have put together a contemplative advent guide, which will be available for free.  Check back here later this coming week for a link to download.  This guide is meant to help you create some calm in the midst of this often busy season.  We hope it is a blessing and refreshment to your soul this season.

Check back here for a few of my original writing and poetry, as I’ll post on the day each one is read in the guide.

Peace to you this Christmas season.

And we’re back…

I’ve been away from the blog for a while – well to be honest the last year (or more) I’ve struggled to keep up because life is busy, and my constant thoughts rarely make it on to paper (or a word doc).  However, a lot has happened over the past few months/couple years, so I DO have good reasons for my absence.  Instead of telling you, I’ll show you life in photos…

I shall soon return (I promise).  I can’t NOT blog… with my constant stream of theological thoughts and discussions forever in my head, or out loud with my husband.  I’ll be back!

Malaysia, January 2016IMG_2998.jpg

Home in KoreaIMG_3584.jpg

Looking down from BukansanIMG_3127.jpg

Family, December 2016IMG_6701.JPG

Scott and I at the North Korea boarder, Spring 2017IMG_7299.jpg

Saying goodbye to Korea, my home for 2 years, June 2017IMG_1310.jpgIMG_8231.jpg

Most certainly the best day of my life, with many more to come, July 8, 2017AnnabelMayPhotoArt-134.jpgAnnabelMayPhotoArt-293.jpgAnnabelMayPhotoArt-267.jpgannabelmayphotoart.com 

Breaking silence, silently breaking

Last Friday evening I returned to Seoul after a long, hot week in Bangkok partnering with and learning from ministries deep in the trenches of the Red Light districts.  I’ve never been more thankful to flop in my own bed and simply be in silence (8 high school girls and 3 leaders all staying in one room is an experience too much for anyone – especially an introvert).  I have also never been more touched experiencing God at work in some of the darkest places on the planet.

Many stories and books lie unwritten (for now) after this intense trip, but today I write just one of them.

Jill* attends our school and is a Junior this year.  An extremely intelligent, sheltered 16-year-old with kind eyes and a compassionate smile holds a bright future in front of her.  This bright future, surely pushed on her by her ever-achieving Korean parents, consists of ivy league schools, some lucrative career she probably doesn’t want, and high academics along the way… this girl is now friends with a prostitute.

Jill confided in our team earlier during the trip that she doesn’t like to cry,
especially with people.
She only cries alone.
When told that this trip “makes you cry” she questioned, “What if I don’t cry?  Does that mean I don’t care?”

I assured her everyone’s response to injustices like trafficking and prostitution is different.  Some people respond with tears, others respond with anger and even some respond with silent breaking.

As we cleaned up the nail polish, put away the chairs and swept the room that evening, I noticed Jill was not with the rest of the team.  Our team threw a party – a party for prostitutes!  A prostitute party.  The blue hairs at church would change the subject at hearing about this kind of a party.  No one talks about prostitutes at church.  (Yet the Bible seems to be brimming with prostitutes – and what a horror to see that one of them, Rahab, even makes it into the genealogy of Jesus Christ in Matthew’s Gospel!  This, my dear readers is for another blog.)

During the prostitute party, we laughed, oh how we laughed.  Laughter always seems to extend beyond language and cultural barriers.
The gift of laughter breaks down walls.
Laughter reminds us we are all the same, we are all human.
We played games, we worshiped together, we experienced the Spirit of God at work in the lives of these precious women.  The only difference between “us” and “them” is just perhaps that life experiences somehow forced them to make a living in this way.  To be exploited and sell their bodies to survive.

Jill became friends with a prostitute.  A bleached-blonde, 40-year-old beautiful Thai woman.  This woman waited patiently to talk to Jill.  She waited patiently to have Jill, and only Jill, paint her nails.  They laughed together trying to bridge the language gap and made a strong connection that night.  The 16-year-old Korean girl and the 40-something-year-old prostitute.

After the women left and we continued cleaning, I discovered Jill in the corner, alone, with crocodile tears streaming down her eyes.  She looked away from me as I approached her, embarrassed.  This young girl who doesn’t like to cry in front of anyone; so I simply wrapped my arms around her.

“Yesterday when we saw the women standing in front of the bars and on the streets I was numb.  I didn’t feel anything.”

“But tonight, I realized these women are people.”

 

* Names changed to protect identities, of course

There are many ministries who work to provide jobs with dignity to men and women who are in vulnerable situations, especially in Bangkok.  For more information, or if you’d like to donate any amount please visit:
http://www.dtonnaam.org/
http://www.nightlightinternational.com/about/

Thirty-six percent humidity.

Thirty-six percent humidity: the first signs of Fall.
September 20, 2016, Seoul, South Korea.

Fall in Korea makes me long for home: Oregon. After spending three long years in Texas among the rolling “hills “and brutal, humid summers, I moved to South Korea in July 2015 only to be hit with more humidity.

But come late-September, the humidity subsides and bows its head to cooler temperatures. The fresh crisp air brings with it a million memories of childhoods long past; times and seasons long forgotten and tucked away in the crevices of my mind. Memories of open windows at night, freezing football games huddled under blankets, playing in piles of fresh fallen leaves and watching the miracle of the changing of seasons.

Change and movement in life are the heart of all things beautiful.
Beauty is a thing of wonder to behold yet mysteriously veiled.
The changing of seasons ushers in this reminder.

We grieve and mourn for the past with any change, yet look forward in hopeful expectation, knowing the simple truth: we are not alone.
As we journey on this road of life woven with tears of joy and sorrow, we know we are not aimless wanderers. We journey alongside a Love that will one day make all things new.

Fall reminds the heart that things will not always stay as they are now, Love is making all things new.

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forever in the light

“Shame is born in public and lived out secretly;
what is not seen cannot be scrubbed away
But so much can be made bearable by love
By cherishing what is
and not condemning fault or flaw
By never locking doors
By keeping hearts open
And holding each other forever in the light”

-Jennifer Worth, Call the Midwife

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until it happens

Isn’t it funny?
Everything seems like a great idea
until it happens.

Move across the country and attend seminary..
but leave all your friends and family behind.
Move across the country so you can [potentially] meet your spouse..
but have everyone you’ve loved and longed for leave or let you down.
Move across the world to do ministry and be near your family…
but live with questions and fears whether it was really the right thing.

I live in the tension
of the life I long to live
and the life I’m living right now.
As if these two were so different
but sometimes they are in my mind.

Faced with a choice and decision that will impact the destination of the next chapter.

Move back to the land of barrenness and heartache…
to perhaps grasp what I’ve been reaching for.
Move to a land unknown full of possibilities…
only to be left alone, with myself and my thoughts.

Reaching forward and reaching back
cannot be done at the same time,
you must choose: future or past.
Which will dictate your path?
The choices you didn’t choose, or the chances you did take?

Perhaps all that we long for and all that we hope,
are right in front of us, right under our nose.
Perhaps the person we are and the person we long to be
are one in the same,
and the tension of both can become one.

It’s not really funny
many things seem like great ideas
until reality sets in
until it happens.
But the true treasure lies in your moments and days
embracing today while it is still called “today.”

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