And we’re back…

I’ve been away from the blog for a while – well to be honest the last year (or more) I’ve struggled to keep up because life is busy, and my constant thoughts rarely make it on to paper (or a word doc).  However, a lot has happened over the past few months/couple years, so I DO have good reasons for my absence.  Instead of telling you, I’ll show you life in photos…

I shall soon return (I promise).  I can’t NOT blog… with my constant stream of theological thoughts and discussions forever in my head, or out loud with my husband.  I’ll be back!

Malaysia, January 2016IMG_2998.jpg

Home in KoreaIMG_3584.jpg

Looking down from BukansanIMG_3127.jpg

Family, December 2016IMG_6701.JPG

Scott and I at the North Korea boarder, Spring 2017IMG_7299.jpg

Saying goodbye to Korea, my home for 2 years, June 2017IMG_1310.jpgIMG_8231.jpg

Most certainly the best day of my life, with many more to come, July 8, 2017AnnabelMayPhotoArt-134.jpgAnnabelMayPhotoArt-293.jpgAnnabelMayPhotoArt-267.jpgannabelmayphotoart.com 

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peering into the past, from the future.

I chuckle, but also I was stunned as I ran across this tonight.  This was a blog I had written in an old notebook, to be posted I guess later that day.  It was written in fall 2005, my Junior year of college, 20 years old, and actually reminds me more of what my realities were then, helps me understand where I used to stand on some things.

When you read, you’ll see why, it’s funny, but totally crazy too.  Comments to come later.

 

November 13, 2005 11:22 a.m.

Currently, as I’m composing this blog, I’m sitting at Lisa Popeill’s “Workshop for Singing Non-Classical Styles” or something like that).  Al I can say is I’M BORED!  If I could, I would start walking back to Redding right now.

It’s all interesting, I completely agree.  BUT I just don’t want to be here.

So, my mind is wandering, we’ll see what I feel like writing about.  I wish I had a computer in front of me, instead of all these notes.

Anyway, I have been thinking quite a bit about many subjects.  I’m thankful that God reveals things to us in his time.  For quite a while, I always felt that I wouldn’t get married until I was much older, like 25 or 26 (even though it’s not THAT old).  Anyway, but as of late, over this past summer, and this semester, I’ve begun to really pray for the Lord’s will on this subject.

(fast forward some boring things)

One of the reasons I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit has to do with what’s going to happen in my life after I graduate.  For a while, I thought about graduate school, and it’s still in the back of my mind.  but I really believe God is calling me to be a full-time Worship Pastor.

As a woman, I would be very fearful to enter into the ministry and be single.  I mean, yes, I know I COULD do it, but without that support?  I know if I had great friends around me, living with me, that would be AMAZING, but the truth is I don’t know where I’ll be going.

I know I could follow someone whether it’s a significant other or closer friend.  Churches are everywhere, and always could have needs for Worship Pastors.

All I know is what God is calling me to… and I don’t really know what that’s going to look like.  I’m just walking down a road, a path.  I don’t know where I’m heading, but I know I’m following CHRIST with all that’s in me.

Marriage and other thoughts

This may be a 1, 2 or perhaps 3 part blog entry.  But here we go.

This may be controversial.  But if anything, it’s definitely counter-cultural.  Marriage these days is counter-cultural.

If you watch any bit of television, you see this.  I am unashamed to admit I’m a huge Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice fan, but I will also admit that many of the ideals presented in these shows are totally against Biblical standards for purity and marriage.

I have an interesting outlook on life.  Example number one:  My parents were married at 29 and 32, almost 27 years ago.  Back then, that was OLD.  But these days, this is typical, in fact, marrying even later than this is fairly typical these days.

Mindset/example number two: I always wanted to get married and have kids.  Until recently.  I grew up thinking about my wedding, what it would be like, how romantic it would be.  I dreamed of being that soccer mom driving kids to practice in a van.  Totally.  That was me.  In fact I went through years of feeling extremely lonely and depressed because i was  (duh duh duh…) SINGLE.  I was single for a lonnnnngggg time.  My first boyfriend = age 25.  First kiss= age 25.

But things have shifted.  Example number three: I think many may see me and feel sorry for me.  I’m 26 and single.  But you know what, I’m in an awesome place.  For the very first time, I feel freedom in my singleness I never understood or learned to embrace before.  I feel content and totally fine walking hand in hand with just God and I right now.

But.  Two things are warring against one another.  The culture says to embrace freedom, liberty, and sexuality.  Singleness in our culture means you have a free ticket to explore whatever sexual avenues you want.  Homosexuality, many MANY sexual partners…. among other sinful activities.  Watch one episode of Grey’s Anatomy and you have an accurate picture of how our culture sees things.  Not only this, but hey, if you aren’t ready for marriage but you’re seeing someone, by the second date if you haven’t slept together, there’s definitely something wrong with one of you!

Then, we have God’s picture.  Many right winged Christians advocate for early marriages, and that this can lead to less promiscuity (fairly true), and that God’s entire design is for man and woman to be together, not alone and separate.

But, we live in a fallen, sinful world, may I remind you.

So, what does this mean for me?

I am 26 years old.  I am a virgin.  I have no foresight of being married in the near future, yet so many Christians see me and think that I must be desperate to meet someone.  Not true.  And those who are living a worldly lifestyle assume I’ve had multiple sexual partners and am living in total freedom.  Two worlds screaming at me, but neither is true.  Neither paints a picture of who I am.

I believe God has made us for relationships, to desire protection, care, and to live life with one another.  Out of Adam’s side was Eve created.  Not so that Eve would serve and slave for her husband, but that they could stand hand in hand, side by side, serving God together.  He completes her, and she completes him.

A number of things have delayed the marrying age in our society.  I don’t mean to play the blame game, but seriously, there are few men in my life right now I can say I would even consider dating, let alone marrying.  Many of them are boys, not men.  Many of them spend hours playing video games, eating pizza and drinking.  This is not responsibility, and guys, no woman wants to marry that.  Get yourself together, do things, be productive, read your Bible, be mentored by a Godly older man, and make steps toward marriage, if you believe God will one day call you to this.  We live in a culture that increasingly encourages boys to remain boys, instead of encouraging men to be men.  And now, you’ll find more and more women who are single, leaders, and completely take charge type women, because guess what?  No men are being men.

God knows and sees this.  I just wanted to point out a few statistical reasons why the average age for men and women to marry is gradually being pushed back. In 2010 the average age for men marrying (first marriages) was 28, and women age 26.

Then there is the subject of divorce.

That is an entirely different blog right there.

Perhaps there will be a part 2 or 3 to come.  But for now, that’s all I got.  Back to work.

Informational website on marriage statistics:
http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0005061.html

words fail

When words fail, I just don’t speak.  Words fail me a lot lately.  

I’ve felt like I’ve been in a daze over the past few weeks, and the thing is that I knew I would feel this way.  I hate feeling like I have no purpose and that I’m wandering.

Each morning, I’ve woken up in a various couch, bed, and location in beautiful Southern California.  With no agenda almost each day, I  have felt like I’ve been wallowing in self-pity, which is not the right approach to things.  People getting married, life happening all around, people in love, people enjoying jobs, people living.  

I feel like I’ve been waiting for something big to happen and to point me in the right direction.  I’m not sure that “big” thing was what I was expecting, but I’m feeling a pull to a place I never wanted to go back to.  I won’t go into details, because everything is really up in the air, and nothing is for sure, but I need to follow my heart on this… even if I don’t understand it.

Thank you those for your thoughts and prayers, I can’t express enough what they mean.  I’m grateful, and blessed beyond measure.

More to come.

 

PS: On Monday I’m starting two (2) courses for my Seminary degree!  I know I haven’t really explained that to many people, but my heart is joyful about it, and I’m really looking forward to this new venture!