perhaps

They say you cannot walk before you crawl
I wonder why, I wonder why
Because everybody dreams before they fall
A wonder world and then we lose it all

But I will dream of tomorrow 
Where the past will not be in my way 
Passion lives another day 
And I will dream of tomorrow 
Where perhaps she’ll wait for me 

And every single heart that I have held
In my hands, in my clumsy hands
I fumbled them around until they fell
It’s much safer ground just keeping to myself

But I still dream of tomorrow 
Where the past will not be in my way 
Passion lives another day 
And I still dream of tomorrow 
Where perhaps she’ll wait for me 
And perhaps she’ll wait for me

Bebo Norman, “Perhaps She’ll Wait”

memories

Summer.  2006.  Four years ago.

I am automatically transported there when I listen to Hillsong United’s “United We Stand” album.

Came to My Rescue.  Currently has 73, no wait, now 74 plays on my itunes.  I love that song.  That’s my song, then, and now.  “In my life be lifted high, in our world be lifted high, in my love, be lifted high”.  I’m drawn into God’s presence through these words.  “Falling on my knees in worship, giving all I am to seek your face, Lord all I am is yours.  My whole life I place in your hands, God of mercy, humbled I bow down, in your presence at your throne”.

So, Summer 2006.  I was an intern at FBC, doing worship, youth, and anything else anyone told me to do.  Now, this is my place of employment, and also is the church I grew up in.  It was a hard summer.  But good.  A summer of letting go, and a time of embracing new things.  Many of the high schoolers at the time (I kind of became the youth pastor that summer), are now in college, and are some of my good friends today.  I love you guys, you all know who you are.

I could take you through that album, and tell you many specific memories I have of listening to it while at work, running, or playing soccer with my High Schoolers.  Worshipping.

I’m not sure what the point of this blog is, but I needed to write it, especially as I was listening to it just now.

Funny how time changes, seems slowly at the time, but it’s fast.  Then, I was 21, now, I’m 25.  Been to many places, seen many things, when I hear the songs now, the meaning remains the same, even though the scenery has changed: God is constant, and I must surrender to him.  I’m pointed to worship the Lord in an indescribable way when I hear many of these songs, even still.  I’m pulled to my knees, again and again.  What else can I do but worship?

“There is no one else for me, none but Jesus”.  Wow, that song could be another blog of memories.

For now, good night.

Brandon Heath- No Not One

If you get a chance to listen to this song, or this album, DO IT!  Brandon Heath’s album- “What if We”, is an incredible challenge to Christians, just give it a listen and you’ll be blown away.  It’s been on my ipod for a few months, but I’ve just recently discovered the richness of Brandon Heath, especially this particular song- “No Not One”.  Other great songs on the album are: Give Me Your Eyes (no, it’s not encouraging stealing of others body parts), Trust You, and Love Never Fails.

Listen Here:

http://www.imeem.com/people/7HWiyl7/music/gl74Xnjf/brandon-heath-no-not-one/

No better word than from your lips
No perfect life than what you lived
No greater gift, no not one

No brighter star has ever shined
No better hope for all mankind
No higher mind, no not one

No one has ever known
This kind of love you’ve shown

There has never been a greater love
Than your son
No, not one
And there’ll never be a name above
No, not one
With his life you have forgiven us
Hope has come
Hope has come
And there will never be a greater love
No, not one

No image true or sweeter frame
No simple word can match your name
No greater fame
No not one

No one has ever seen
The depth of your majesty

No greater call
You gave us all a reason to live
No greater love
You gave us all a reason to give
No greater life
You gave us all a reason to shine
No greater love
Forever mine

23

I’ve been twenty-three, well, for almost a year now, and I was thinking ahead to being twenty-four, and a song that I hope to use for a future blog, but I think it’s time for a blog on being twenty-three, since it won’t be for much longer.  One of my all time favorite Jimmy Eat World songs is called “23”, and I wanted to share the lyrics, but not until the end.

A year ago, around my birthday, as when I first found the job here in Thailand at GES, and so my memories of last year’s birthday dinner were filled with thoughts of Thailand, and wondering if I’d actually be going.  Twenty-three seemed old, but not that old, twenty-four on the other hand, is OLD.  I’ve been saying for the past year that I’ll cry when that day comes, and I still think that will happen.

It’s been a year of new beginnings, growth, and lots of change.  Life after college was all I thought about during my Senior year at Simpson, but as I quickly found out, and have been discovering, it really isn’t easy.  I learned in the time I turned 23 that I should simply take life one step, one day, one moment, and one year at a time.  I can’t expect all the details of my hopes and dreams to happen so fast, many of those hopes and dreams come through experiences and time.

Anyway, there’s more I could say, but the lyrics of this song say a lot.  If you haven’t ever listened to the song, DO IT!  It’s one of the most beautifully crafted songs I’ve ever listened to, as many Jimmy songs are.  Genius.  It’s about living life to the fullest, living without regret,dreaming dreams and growing older…

 

23- Jimmy Eat World

I felt for sure last night
That once we said goodbye
No one else will know these lonely dreams
No one else will know that part of me
I’m still driving away
And I’m sorry every day
I won’t always love these selfish things
I won’t always live…
Not stopping…

It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you

You’ll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I’m here I’m now I’m ready
Holding on tight
Don’t give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

Amazing still it seems
I’ll be 23
I won’t always love what I’ll never have
I won’t always live in my regrets

almost the end of another week

Hello friends,

It’s almost Friday; I’m about to go to sleep which means I’ll wake in a few hours and begin another day!  So, I’ve decided I’m going to begin blogging about some of the every day happenings of my life here at GES, just to give you a better glance of my life these days!

Also, here again is the link to my pictures, which I am continually updating!  We just celebrated the Thai Buddhist holiday “Loy Kathrong” (I don’t know if that’s spelled correctly!), and have some fun pictures from that!  http://picasaweb.google.com/meridith.johnson

This is a short update, but check out this video from today.  We’re learning songs for our Christmas Program, and when Grade 3 began singing through this song, I was about to cry it was so sweet!  Anyway, they figured out my plot and began waving at the camera, but enjoy my sweet Grade 3 students singing about loving God!

November 11 update

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Friends and family,

Greetings from Thailand, sawatdeeka!  I can’t believe how much time has passed since I last updated you all.  Part of my delay has been because of how busy things have been, but the other part is due to some recent discouragement and just feeling quite burned out.  So to sum up the past few weeks:

On October 18th, we began our two week “October Break”, which marked the end of our first semester, and also now marks the half way point of our time here in Thailand.  I traveled with several friends to Cambodia, and we spent some good time on a deserted Island.. which was much needed!  It was a good time for reflection on the past 5 months, and time to pray about the coming months as well.  After about 10 days in Cambodia, we returned to Thailand, and my housemate Bridget and I traveled up north to Chiang Mai, which is the second largest city in Thailand.  We had a great time on motorbikes, and exploring the city, but I really started missing the kids by the second week of break!

Upon returning to GES, I was hit hard with sickness.  Strangely, it all began back on the day we left for vacation, and I’m STILL in the process of recovering.  Being sick has been part of my discouragement lately, but thankfully I’m now starting to feel better.

Last week, our first week back, we immediately hit the ground running getting ready for “Overnight camp”, which we left for last Thursday, November 6.  I went with the older kids (6th Grade-12th Grade) away to a camp that was about an hour away.  I also was in charge of worship for the weekend, which was also an interesting experience.  Honestly, in the 130 kids that were there, probably 15 are Christians, so I guess I just didn’t know how to approach leading worship for them.  We DO have chapels every week, but I’m involved with the younger kids for that time, so I rarely join the older kids for chapel.  Anyway, all in all, camp went well… minus several kids getting sent home for alcohol and guys/girls in each other’s rooms.  I hope it was an experience that later in life they will look back on and remember, even if it didn’t impact them at the time.

Something I’ve been thinking about lately is just morality in general, and what drives people to understand and know right vs. wrong.  I can’t motivate these kids to make good choices based on “doing good because you believe in God and are a Christian”, because they aren’t Christians, and don’t believe in God.  They go to the temple every morning or evening and pray to Buddha.  Some of them could care less about making good choices.  But I do believe in every person, there is an ability for people to know what is right and what is wrong based on basic human instinct.  In most movies, you see good and evil, and when you view these films, it’s easy to see and desire for the characters to choose right over doing what is wrong.  Anyway, it’s definitely had me thinking quite a bit recently.

I know discouragement is a natural part of any job you do, at any time in life, but I know right now it’s an attack on the work we are doing here in Thailand.  We are touching lives here and making a huge difference, and because of that, I know Satan is threatened.  We have 6 weeks until our Christmas Break, and in that time I will plan and put together TWO Christmas Programs, and be busy as ever!  Pray that I won’t continue feeling so stressed, overwhelmed and discouraged.  Other than the stressful, looming programs over my plate of responsibilities, I’m still really enjoying being blessed to teach Music here at GES, and I count it a privilege to teach them about who God is through those songs.

As of right now, I’m really missing American things… and the comfort of being “home”.. as in the States.  I know it’s just a season, so hopefully it will be over soon, as it makes being here more difficult mentally and in other ways.  

 

Here are some things you can be in prayer about for me:

1. Planning and preparation for the Christmas programs
2. Regular teaching/ planning
3. Leading worship for our upcoming Church retreat (November 21-23)
4. Getting through  the holiday season without missing home too much 😦
5. Continue to be a light to all the students at GES through actions and words

Please also be in prayer as I constantly have the future in mind.  God has given me the grace to be here in Thailand for now, but the more time that passes, I have realized the depth of my passion for worship, and to pursue worship ministry.  I will be beginning an online Master’s degree in Teaching starting in January, through Liberty University, which I’m looking forward to, but I’m not quite sure that will determine my future. 

I miss you all, and would love to hear from YOU!

With love from Thailand,
Meridith Rae

https://somehowbeautiful.wordpress.com 
meridith.johnson@gmail.com
1.541.255.2159

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