it’s about time

… for me to blog again, and break the silence.

Silence is good, but just because my blog has been silent, doesn’t mean that my thoughts have been.

Where do I begin?  I’m not sure… adjustment back to the States after being away for nearly a year isn’t the easiest thing.  I really thought I was doing quite well; I have been back for 2 weeks and 2, almost 3 days now, and it wasn’t until last night that I finally admitted to myself that I was in reverse-culture shock.  I thought everything was going really great. I had been seeing people and catching up, but all the while, I haven’t thought about Thailand much at all.  Though I spent the last year overseas, I spent that entire year wondering and thinking about what it was going to be like once I came back.  Now that I’m back, I just can’t help but think “what’s next?”, and it’s also the question on everyone else’s mind who talks to me, which quite honestly is about the worst question you could ask someone after they come back from being overseas- in my opinion!

So here I am, back in the States.  I’m unemployed, trying to figure out life, wondering what my next goal is, and feeling pretty lost.  It’s like life is happening all around me, but I’m stuck and can’t move.  Like one of those awful dreams you have when something terrible is sneaking up behind you, only you’re frozen and can’t seem to move one muscle.  

My state of confusion is not outside of God’s care, concern, or knowledge, and I need to remind myself of that.  I was comforted the other night in reading Ephesians 1, when it says that not only has God saved us through Christ with his KINDNESS, and GRACE, but he’s also given us WISDOM and UNDERSTANDING.

So I don’t really know what else to say.  It’s 4:10AM, and I have a lot on my mind, mostly things that I’m not talking about right now, if you couldn’t tell.  Pray for me friends, if you think of me.  I’m trying to rest in the knowledge that I’m safe in the arms of Christ, and I’m right where he wants me, but that doesn’t make this valley any easier.

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4 thoughts on “it’s about time

  1. Hey…although we had completely different experiences and situations I know this feeling. Although you know the truth that something is in store for you, you can’t help but feel lost–it’s part of the transition. Being in the midst of the struggle of foreign culture and living in a different place leaves you longing to get away, but one finds solace knowing that it is a growing experience that the challenge is rewarding. Somehow it is harder to feel value and as close to God when you are outside of that challenge and in limbo because before you knew there was an end in sight, that each day brought new opportunities. But this in between, this purgatory, everything is open to you and it is scary not having something to work towards. Almost like when in the middle of challenge you feel in God’s will and then all of a sudden…empty. Sorry this is lengthy but, I just really feel you on this. I remember feeling down, lost, and hopeless for a long time and I wanted to encourage you in that now that you have done this amazing thing–TEACHING OVERSEAS!–that literally, the whole world is open to you as far as options. God will find you something. Holdfast hope.

  2. Ryan.. thank you so much, seriously, it helps to know that these feelings are completely NORMAL, and of course to reflect on the time I had in Bangkok and be thankful for the experiences!!

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