seasons

There are all sorts of seasons we encounter in our lives.  The good, the bad, and the ugly; sometimes we never know what is coming until it hits us in the face, but fortunately, the definition of a season is that it only lasts for a period of time.  This is part of life.  The ebb and flow of how life is lived.

Though we never walk alone, I’ve been in a season of solitude for some time now.  I don’t ever really feel lonely during these times, it is just as if God draws me into his presence, and I simply don’t desire to spend a lot of time with other people (no offense my friends, but seriously, I love these times of solitude).  I enjoy just taking off for a few hours on a run or walk, or coming home from work to cook dinner and just be alone.. well, you know what I mean, spend time just listening to God and thinking.

As I’ve been reading recently, we cannot fully experience an emotion, feeling or season without also experiencing the opposite of that, whatever it is.  When we walk through seasons of brokenness, solitude, and sadness, only then can we fully embrace and experience those seasons of wholeness, community and JOY that come out of the opposite season.  Sometimes the brokenness seems like too much, yet the psalmist says that the Lord is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18) and later he also says that our tears are counted and kept in a bottle, and that he sees “tossings” (Psalm 56:8).  I don’t know about you, but even if I am experiencing a difficult season, I’d rather have the Lord close and with me than have times be good and not feel his presence.  The KJV reads like this:

“Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: [are they] not in thy book”

It’s interesting, the Hebrew word “tellest”also means: to number, to take account of, rehearse, recon…

And the Hebrew word “cepher” for “book” also is translated as an official record book, not just any random book, but a book for God to hold records in.

If you don’t believe me, check this out : http://www.blueletterbible.org/Bible.cfm?b=Psa&c=56&v=8&t=KJV#conc/8

Psalm 126:5 says (KJV) “They that sow in tears shall reap in joy”.

The same word for tears is used in this verse, but what I found interesting was the verb “reap” in Hebrew “qatsar” which actually also means “to shorten”, not just “to reap, or harvest”.  And the word joy, I just love this:
1)
ringing cry
a)
of entreaty, supplication
b)
in proclamation, joy, praise

A RINGING CRY.  Not just feeling joy, but an actually expression of joy!!  WHOA!

These are just a few verses out of many that tell us how much God cares about our feelings and emotions.  I’ve talked about this a lot it seems lately with friends, because I know I tend to rely on my emotions for so much, but seriously, God is near to us no matter what we go through, but he wants us to experience the joy that can be found in him.  Not only that, but the word “reap” also meaning “to shorten” tells me that though we will experience times of sadness and tears, he wants to SHORTEN those times, so that we will reap a time of joy.  So, we sow in tears and sadness only to reap those times of joy.  Two separate experiences, but one cannot be fully experienced without the other.

I say all this because though I still feel I am in a season on solitude, I have been coming out of a season of grieving.  Grieving for a relationship, and I had to give that time.  I had to invest in the healing process, and the grieving and sadness so that now, on the other side, I can truly say, “God you are good”.  And I can taste, see, and experience that goodness, not just read about it.

I feel it all around me.  I also feel is joy.  It’s never left, but I feel it more deeply now that before.

the blinker

the blinker loudly sounds, filling the silence
drip, drop, drip, drop
again the rains have come
again i am taken back

taken back to a place i’ve known
a place i’ve long been
in the silence, a familiar sound rings
reflection, honesty, hope, alone

the days grow colder, along with my heart
the daylight comes and goes so quickly
wishing to be warm again
wishing to see the sun again

wanting to love during the season of transition
hoping to open my heart soon
to be filled with love during the orange
then during the red and green and blue season
maybe forever

long lost hope during the time
smiles, hugs, warmth, fire, family, love
where is my hope?
where is my chance to love?

not yet, not now, not yet, not now
seems like the answer has always been
alone, Alone, ALone, ALOne, ALONe, ALONE
the silence screams

yet a morsel of hope remains
it just won’t seem to leave
maybe this year
maybe this fall
maybe this time
my thoughts race

then the loud silence is filled
with a blinker
now the car is turning
now it is silent again

maybe.