Category: Theology

Ash Wednesday and Lent

MeridithLeave a comment

I’ve been intrigued by many traditions of the Catholics and of practices of the Church year, and it all began during my college years at Simpson.  I wouldn’t consider myself to be quite as left as some of the “emerging church” ideas, however, I am in the same camp as many who believe that the church needs to be revived, and part of that revival will be reaching back to the old traditions and practices that were left long ago when the spilt began between Catholics and Protestants.  

Some Protestant churches do incorporate the pre-Easter traditions of Ash Wednesday and Lent, but my church was not one of those churches, so it was all completely new to me during my time at Simpson.  

I have practiced Lent in the past, and typically during Lent it is tradition to give up something in your life in order to teach you something about the suffering of Christ, but also to begin again and clean out our lives of the clutter we so often collect, both materially, and emotionally.  Catholic traditions require fasting of food on certain days, fasting of meat on certain days and so forth, but Protestants have historically chosen something in their lives to clean out and personally to attend to.

Lent begins with Ash Wednesday, and this year it begins next Wednesday, February 25th.

“Ash Wednesday is a turning point. On this day, the first day of Lent, we stop, take a good look at ourselves, and turn toward God. On Ash Wednesday, we begin again to follow Jesus Christ.” -from the “Upper Room”.

For many reasons, I have decided to personally participate in fasting from a few things beginning next Wednesday until Easter.  Lent is also a time of mourning as well, so as to teach us the meaning of saying “HALLELUJAH!” when it comes time for Easter, but also to teach us the true meaning of rejoicing as well when we celebrate the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  

Anyway, there is still a lot of depth about this time that I don’t understand fully, but I’ve done a lot of reading up on everything, and I believe this time will be a time of re-focusing on my purpose on earth, and to re-focus as I move back to the States, and see the LORD for his will in my life and for the future. 

The “Mustard Seed Associates” sum up Lent well by saying: “During this season, we spend 40 days meditating on our brokenness—the brokenness in ourselves, in our relationships with God, with others, and with creation—that Jesus came to heal with his death and resurrection.”  They are a good resource if you are interested in learning more about Lent, or would like to participate in a study during this time.  There is a free download, if you’d like to check it out: Lenten Reflection Guide.

Anyway, there’s definitely more I could say about the next few weeks, but I’m really looking forward to this time.  I may or may not blog between now and my arrival at home, we’ll see how busy things get!  I should be home around April 7th, for those interested!  Love you all!

Confessions of a former faker.

Meridith2 Comments

This past week I had coffee with Joni, my good friend and wife of the Youth Pastor at our church here in Thailand.  Her and I are quite similar in many ways, but through her friendship I’ve really gained some perspective on who I once was.  Not so long ago.

Growing up in the church and with your parents being important people in the church and in ministry, it’s so easy to be fake.  You have to.  Or you think you have to.  You think you have to pretend everything is great and perfect so they will think you’re a perfect PK, then you quote all the memory verses you learned in AWANA, and of course if you didn’t sing the hymns during church that meant that you were rebelling and so that wasn’t allowed either.  I was so fake.  I’ve really begun to see this more clearly just recently since coming to Thailand, because the fake-ness continued in college.  And for that I must apologize.

I realized at a young age, 13 to be exact, that I was called to do ministry.  I can’t really explain that call, but God definitely put it on my heart.  That was also the same age I became involved in worship teams and being up in front of people.  Our Youth Pastor always encouraged us as the band, that we especially needed to be right with God.  I think for some reason that filtered to me with a translation saying “you need to be perfect.  you can’t let people see your struggles.  you can’t let anyone see your weakness”, though I know that’s not how it was intended to be. 

I believe in college, those walls began to come down, but I really feel in some ways it got a bit worse at times.  This is my confession as a former faker, and for that I believe I owe hundreds, maybe even thousands of people apologies.  

Secular music listening was always looked down upon growing up, so when high school hit and all my friends listened to secular music, at first I thought THEY were the bad ones.  Then I started listening to it and hiding it, like it was some huge sin I was hiding.  I’m not condoning secular music, nor condemning it.  It’s like Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6:12, “You say, ‘I am allowed to do anything’ – but not everything is good for you.  And even though ‘I am allowed to do anything,’ I must not become a slave to anything”.  What matters here to God is our hearts.  Our hearts are easily drawn to things that seem to look pleasurable to the world, but we must always ask our own hearts if this will cause the eyes of our hearts to look elsewhere, and away from the LORD.  I would apply this to other “grey” areas that seem to exist in the church today, such as alcohol, eating, hobbies, and anything else that takes up a significant amount of time in your day.

So, back to the faker I was.  I think my walls began to come down around the time I went to India, and more around my Senior year at Simpson.  So many Christians are just like me, like I was.  It’s much easier to pretend like everything is just fine than face cleaning up the mess that you dump in front of everyone.  These lessons have so much to do with worship leading for me, because in my mind, YES, as a worship leader you must always be even more sensitive the LORD’s voice, but that does not in any mean: 1) you are better than everyone else 2) you have no need to take extra Bible studies or 3) to be fake all the time because everyone is watching you.

I’m not sure what my ultimate point is, BUT after talking with Joni yesterday she encouraged me in several ways as I go on beyond GES to whatever is next.  Because of the way I’ve been brought up, I need to recognize that my first instinct is almost always to serve, and not to be served in ministry.  But as I’ve seen first hand here, if you have nothing to give, you end up much more dry than you were before, which leads often to confusion and burn out.  

My prayer for the future is that I will be filled continually through God’s word, worship, fellowship, confession, and truth.  So this is me, I am a former faker.  But by God’s grace I will continue as I have learned and experienced here in Thailand, and be OPEN about who I am and the things God is doing in me and teaching me.

what i miss the most

Meridith3 Comments

Let’s be honest here.  Is that okay?  Well, I am making it okay, especially because this is MY blog after all.

I don’t miss “home” per se, but there are many things, comfort things, that I miss about the United States of America.  The things that are “normal” here in Thailand aren’t really “normal” to me, and that makes sense.  I didn’t grow up here, and I’m certainly not completely understanding of all those things after being here only 3 months.

  • I miss my car, and being able to go anywhere anytime I want.
  • I miss huge salads from Red Robin.
  • I miss being able to speak in English when I go somewhere and have people understand me.
  • I miss not feeling like I stick out wherever I go.
  • I miss not sweating all the time, everywhere you go.
  • I miss my hair being normal.
  • I miss Sarah being around to cut my hair.
  • I miss being in the same time zone as everyone.

I’m sure I could extend this list longer.  Some things have begun to ware on me, but I know those things will pass.  Don’t get me wrong, I love being here in Thailand, but sometimes I just wish I could know what the future holds.  I could see myself staying here for longer than just one year, but then again I could see myself coming back to the States.

I’m not the best at trusting, and for that I must confess that I have depended too much upon myself.  I know when I begin feeling overwhelmed that at that very moment I need to stop, and begin to pray.  For I know at that moment I’m relying on myself and my own strength.

The hardest is not knowing.  For a while I did so well at not worrying about the future and taking life one moment at a time, but right now I’m worrying, and asking many questions that I should leave up to the LORD.

Pray for me.  Pray for all of us teachers.  Thailand is a place where it is easy to get discouraged, and I myself have been dealing with that lately. 

God is good, and God is so faithful.  I know this to be true.  That doesn’t stop me from wanting to bawl my eyes out right now…. I’m not even sure why.  

Thanks for listening friends, again, please pray for us.  Everyday we give and give to students who do not know the LORD, and that alone can be quite taxing, and can seem very energy-consuming.

This song has been a blessing to me, pray these words of truth wherever you are today.

“Desert Song” by Hillsong

Verse:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is the God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Verse:
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it’s way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I’ll stand

Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

End:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I’m filled to be empited again
The seed I’ve recieved I will sow

 

 

“Does Sorrow lay his hand upon your shoulder,
and walk with you in silence on life’s way, 
While Joy your bright companion once, grown colder,
Becomes to you more distant day by day?
Run not from the companionship of Sorrow,
He is the messenger of God to thee;
And you will thank Him in His great tomorrow —
For what you do not know now, you then will see;
He is God’s angel, clothed in veils of night,
With whom “we walk by faith” and “not by sight”.”

2 Corinthians 5:7 KJV 

miracles and the holy spirit

Meridith6 Comments

Jesus Christ performed many miracles while here on earth.  Let me say that again, JESUS CHRIST PERFORMED MANY MIRACLES WHILE HERE ON EARTH.  

Are we numb to the idea that the Son of God, while present and with us here, worked MIRACLES?

My suspicion is that if he were to be here, living among us today and performing miracles, we would seriously question who he was getting his power from, and perhaps even think there was a demonic presence in him.  That’s what we do today when anyone claims they’ve seen or experienced a miracle.  One of the “joys” of living after the ‘Age of Reason’ I suppose.  We as humans have become so logical that we can’t even accept that it’s a miracle that we wake each morning.

We as Christians have also become so logical that we doubt even the truest of intentions and heart when we pray to see revival… which will also bring about miracles.  

Though true, in Matthew 24 we are warned that false prophets will perform many signs and wonders. Every situation should be approached with a logical/intellectual mindset, we should also be aware that miracles were the “staple” if you will during Pentacost.  

“But you will receive POWER when the Holy Spirit comes upon you….” it says in Acts chapter 1.  Power?  YES, POWER.  POWER FROM GOD!  

 

*I’ve been thinking about this after some friends and I had a long taxi ride back to GES the other day… if y’all are reading, thanks for the conversation, it’s really had be thinking the past several days…*

After the Holy Spirit comes, in Acts 2, the first thing was there was a thundering sound that filled the room, and each of them began to speak in other languages.  <If you are a Baptist you tend to skip over some of Acts 2, or simply have another interpretation that doesn’t address the issue of tongues.>  The other languages were for the purpose to proving the Holy Spirit’s power, but also so that the people in the room from other areas could all understand one another.  

Peter then commands order in the room, and makes it clear that no one in the room was intoxicated.  In verse 17 it says, “In the last days, God says, ‘I will pour out my Spirit upon all people.  Your sons and daughters will prophesy.  Your young men will see visions, and your old men will dream dreams.  In those days I will pour out my Spirit even on my servants- men and women alike- and they will prophesy'”.  (Perhaps there was a need to say men AND women because of the culture at the time).  “‘And I will cause wonders in the heavens above and signs on the earth below- blood and fire and clouds of smoke…. But everyone who calls on the name of the LORD will be saved'”.

God’s spirit is with us.  Think about it.  Not the “holy spirit” as we call it… but GOD’S SPIRIT.  With us each moment of each day.  And there is POWER in the name of the LORD.  There is POWER in his spirit.  

Something that I’ve been thinking a lot about is the difference between Christians here in the East, and Christians in the West.  Here, there is already some element of animism to the religion.  It’s a very mystical and spiritual experience.. life that is.  Since their religion IS their life.  In the States we tend to separate the “religious” and “life”.  I’m not saying we as Christians should turn completely mystical in our “religion”, but there SHOULD be a huge element of that in our lives, especially since GOD’S SPIRIT dwells in us… in our bodies and hearts.  

If God’s very spirit is in us, then we should be experiencing miracles every day.  Or maybe we do, but we just don’t recognize it.  In Galatians chapter 5, it talks quite a bit about God’s Spirit in us.  The fruit of having his spirit is: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control.  One of my favorite verses is verse 25, “Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Sprit’s leading in every part of our lives”.  How many of us actually recognize when we have feelings (negative or positive) about a situation that it is the Holy Spirit?  I’m not always thinking that, but maybe we should re-think our every day lives and remember that he dwells within us.  

Back to miracles.  In our taxi ride we discussed that miracles was one of the signs that you had the Holy Spirit.  Across the board; everyone.  

I’ve been experiencing a miracle in my own life, and I didn’t even realize it until recently.  I’m drinking “Pepsi Max” right now.  Seems normal, yea?  Well, some would scold me for drinking pop (or as some call it, “soda”) but the average person who doesn’t know ME wouldn’t think twice.  

For about five years I’ve suffered with IBS.  If you don’t know what it is, Google it.  I struggle with stomach pains all the time, especially while under stress.  I’ve dealt with depression as another piece to the IBS puzzle as well.  BUT.. today, I’m drinking Pepsi Max.  For years, I couldn’t have any pop, or anything carbonated.  I couldn’t have any dairy for about a year.  I couldn’t ever drink coffee.  I couldn’t ever have anything that was fried or had a lot of saturated fat.  

But friends, over the past few months, I’ve been experiencing a miracle, and I was too blind to see it.  I was too busy to see that God has been healing me.  Now, I’m not in perfect health now, and my stomach does still act up occasionally, but going from my condition a couple of years ago to now, drinking CAFFEINE.. that my friend is nothing short of a miracle.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

There’s much more that could be said about the Holy Spirit, and it’s role in our lives.  I think the Church of America often focuses much attention on JESUS, rather than God, “three in one”.  Think about that.. it’s so true.

In 1 Corinthians 12, spiritual gifts are discussed.  We all have a gift from God’s Spirit that is for the purpose of serving the body of Christ.  In verse 7 it says, “A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other”.  So, point number 1, we each have a gift.  Point number 2, it isn’t to boast in our abilities, but rather to HELP ONE ANOTHER.  Discernment of messages is a spiritual gift, but so is speaking in “unknown languages”.  So working together, we can hear from God and discern what he is speaking to us.  We shouldn’t shy away from this either, this is how God can speak to us today.  But of course we know as a continuation of these thoughts and ideas, in chapter 13, everything should be done in love. Love is even greater than faith, and hope.  “Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless.  But love will last forever!  Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture!  But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless… (12) Now I see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mrror, but when we will see everything with perfect clarity.  All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely just as God now knows me completely.” (1 Corinthians 13: 8-10, 12).

In John chapter 16, Jesus tells more about this gift that will be given to us.  It says “And when he comes, he will convict the world of its sin and of God’s righteousness, and of the coming judgement”.  Then it says “When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth.  He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard.  He will tell you about the future.  He will bring me glory by telling you whatever he receives from me.”  The purpose of the Holy Spirit is to guide us to truth, not to lead us astray, especially since he’s from God.  Sometimes our discernment and skepticism tends to kick in well before we think something is from the Holy Spirit.  Maybe what we’ve been taught is holding us back from communing fully with God?  Maybe it’s holding us back from seeing more miracles?  Maybe we are holding back the miraculous from happening every single day.

I’m not saying these things to judge the Church of North America, but if we would begin to release ourselves to experience God in a way that may not make logical sense to us, perhaps that’s when we will be released to fully serve God?  We can’t see the full picture now, but soon, we will.  

Walk in his spirit today, and each moment.

Remember that love is greater than anything else we can do or say.

May God’s Spirit guide you.

 

(Sorry, this was much longer than I intended it to be!)

 

love.

Meridith3 Comments

“In my weakness I find that your strength knows no bounds, 
and in my loneliness I find that the everlasting arms surround me.
Even with this fragile heart
I find a place to rest here, safe where you are.

I am falling into grace again
I am running where mercy never ends
Lord I’m learning that your love can cover me
You are teaching me what a child is meant to be”

Over the past couple weeks, I’ve begun writing several blogs, each with only a few sentences.  There’s so much I could say about my experiences here in Thailand on a completely superficial level, but there are always many sides to any experience, and there has been so much God has been speaking to my heart.

I’m learning what it means to love God.. and let him love me.  Seems simple, right?  I thought so as I began this journey, but it’s been difficult.  I want to desire God, and I want to love him, but so much gets in the way each day.  So much competes for my affections and my attention.  But only one, really truly deserves that attention.  

I sing “I surrender”, then I sing “I love you Lord…” but what does it look like?  How do I know when I’ve finally come to the place of learning this lesson and moving onto the next?  Or is that how the journey of a Christian goes?  

I’m a pretty liner thinking person, I think of things in order, and things consists of a beginning and an end.  But the person of God.. has no end and no beginning.. and our journey, with it’s many lessons and dynamics continues throughout our time on earth.  

God pursues us.  Every day he pursues us.  He wants our full devotion, and our full attention so we can hear his voice, and know who he is.  The more I learn about God, the more I realize I don’t know about him.  Can we ever understand this love?  

Human love… falling in love.  Now, I can’t say I know from experience, but when you are interested in someone, you want to know everything about them.  The more you learn about them (hopefully) the more you fall in love with them (although we all know my friends that this isn’t always the case)… BUT, as we learn more about who God is and truly use our minds to engage in this thinking, everyday we can draw closer to him, because we’ve seen more of who he is, and seen more of his heart.

There’s a song that makes me cry nearly ever time I hear it called, “Only Love Remains” by JJ Heller.  Listen to it if you get the chance, it’s an amazing prayer for our lives.

Scenes of you come rushing through you are breaking me down,
so break me into pieces that will grow in the ground.
I know that I deserve to die for the murder in my heart,
so be gentle with me Jesus as you tear me apart.

Please, kill the liar, kill the thief in me,
I know that I am tired of their cruelty.
Breathe into my spirit, breathe into my veins,

Until only love remains.

You burn away the ropes that bind and hold me to the earth,
the fire only leaves behind whatever is of worth.
I begin to see reality for the first time in my life,
I know that I am a shadow but I’m dancing in your light.

Teach me to be humble, call me from the grave,
show me how to walk with you upon the waves.
Breathe into my spirit, breath into my veins,

Until only love remains.

 

That’s all I want.  I want him to take away everything that means nothing in my heart, until all I have is love for him.  Each day, part of loving him is surrendering the things in my heart that I’m holding so tightly too.  I’m such a classic first-born child.  I have dreams, and I have plans.  Sometimes I’m not afraid to let God know that “I’m sorry, but this wasn’t in my plan”.  

Letting go.

Loving him with ALL my heart.. not just part of it.

In 1 John 5:21, the very last verse, it says, “Dear children, keep away from anything that might take God’s place in your hearts.” 

This will most likely be continued at a later time, but for now here are a few songs on my playlist “LOVE of GOD”:

“Love Song” by Jason Morant
“Divine Romance” by Phil Wickham
“If I Have Not Love” by Matt Redman
“Saving Grace” by Hillsong United
“Captivated” by Vicky Beeching
“Glance” by Misty Edwards

May you experience his love with each breath he has given you.  May you return to your first love, or maybe for the first time experience his love.  Let him love you.  Let him pursue you.  Let him take the darkness and the heavy loads you hide deep within your heart.  Return.  Love. 

 

peace and truth

Meridith1 Comment

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about peace and what the elements of it are.  I know, I know, there is a reason that in Phillipians it says that peace from the LORD “surpasses understanding”  (my version says, “Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus”).  But there is a huge urge within me to really know some of the contributing elements of peace.

So the elements of our lives contain many small portions of our perception of “life”.. for example.. to name just a few… 

 

  • Relationships.. (friendships.. spousal/intimate… acquaintances)
  • Material… (our homes, belongings etc…) (these things are temporary)
  • Surroundings.. (jobs, living situations, circumstances etc…)
  • Passions… (hobbies, interests… the things we LOVE)
  • Religion… 

Anyway, maybe there are more, but those just came as I was brainstorming.

So all of these things make our world view, and our own personal outlook on life.  It shows us what is important to us whether that’s work/making money, relationships in our lives, or our passions.  All of these areas are present in our lives, and they make our realities.  Sometimes, some areas take precedent over other areas.  Maybe we are in a job we don’t enjoy, but we do enjoy the friendships we’ve formed, and on the material side we are able to afford a nice home, and more expensive things.  

Most all decisions we make in life are because of one or more of these categories.  For example, the only thing motivating Hindus to make their yearly journey/ once in a life journey to  the Ganges is for religious purposes.  The same with Muslims who participate in jihad.  Their only motive is for religious purposes.. a “struggle or striving for god”.

This makes me think that one of the biggest struggles of humanity is for each individual to feel peace within themselves.  This is especially true of Americans, since our society is the most individualistic of any.  In some other cultures you also find this individuality, especially rising up in this upcoming generation.  We strive for peace, fulfillment and a reason to live.  

As Christians, we want to “feel” we are in the will of God.  Though many times we know that our lives are dominated by being in “the valley” and searching for God.  In “mystery revelation” theology, we also discover that often times God hides himself from us, and we have to search for him.  We also have a reason to live as Christians, our purpose is stated clearly in Matthew 28.  We are to spread the gospel’s light wherever we go.  BUT, it’s also important to take our passions and loves in life into account.  If I am passionate about surfing and really get along well with surfers, especially on a more spiritual and intimate way, then I clearly would not feel any sense of peace if I was living in Alaska.

Inner satisfaction, confirmation from the LORD, and knowing we are being used in our fullest capacity with all the gifts we have been given from the LORD are some ways that we feel peace here on earth.  But then to look at another angle, we may go through years of our lives not feeling that inner peace that passes understanding, but knowing that we are making a difference and filling in the gaps of OTHERS needs.

In conclusion, I wanted to speak about how peace and truth coincide with on another.  Sometimes, God grants us a season of peace in ONE AREA of our lives.  For me personally, I feel so at peace with being exactly where I should be as far as my job and my passions go.  I’ve also made some wonderful friends here that will be “life friends”.  I’m experiencing so much, and I’m even discovering new passions and new desires in my heart that I truly never knew were there.  

I’ve been disappointed in myself because I’ve felt peace in these areas, but then immediately jumped into other areas of my life that are not as “peaceful” or I have doubts about.  Many of you who I am close with can probably guess what that area is, which I won’t go into at this time, but it was interesting to see myself become discontent in another area.  Perhaps it’s human nature to compartmentalize and want to see every single facet of our lives at peace.  It’s against our human nature to not have things all figured out.  Maybe that’s why Paul talks about peace right after instructing us not to worry about the things we can’t control or don’t understand.  What should we do?  Pray.  Then what?  Many would ask… Pray. “Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done…. THEN YOU WILL EXPERIENCE GOD’S PEACE….”

So what does truth have to do with peace?  Everything.  We must cling to the truth we know about GOD, OURSELVES, and what’s been promised to us even when we don’t feel that peace.  Even when we don’t feel GOD.  Even when…  We should pray.  Thank him.  Take the peace that he gives without questioning other areas.  TRUST THE TRUTH OF GOD’S CHARACTER.  

He is unchanging.

He is peace and truth in our lives.

We will never fully feel at peace on earth, and that’s also another truth we must cling to.  Complete peace will only be experienced once we are face down, before his throne.  And that I believe my friends, is truth.