“In my weakness I find that your strength knows no bounds, 
and in my loneliness I find that the everlasting arms surround me.
Even with this fragile heart
I find a place to rest here, safe where you are.

I am falling into grace again
I am running where mercy never ends
Lord I’m learning that your love can cover me
You are teaching me what a child is meant to be”

Over the past couple weeks, I’ve begun writing several blogs, each with only a few sentences.  There’s so much I could say about my experiences here in Thailand on a completely superficial level, but there are always many sides to any experience, and there has been so much God has been speaking to my heart.

I’m learning what it means to love God.. and let him love me.  Seems simple, right?  I thought so as I began this journey, but it’s been difficult.  I want to desire God, and I want to love him, but so much gets in the way each day.  So much competes for my affections and my attention.  But only one, really truly deserves that attention.  

I sing “I surrender”, then I sing “I love you Lord…” but what does it look like?  How do I know when I’ve finally come to the place of learning this lesson and moving onto the next?  Or is that how the journey of a Christian goes?  

I’m a pretty liner thinking person, I think of things in order, and things consists of a beginning and an end.  But the person of God.. has no end and no beginning.. and our journey, with it’s many lessons and dynamics continues throughout our time on earth.  

God pursues us.  Every day he pursues us.  He wants our full devotion, and our full attention so we can hear his voice, and know who he is.  The more I learn about God, the more I realize I don’t know about him.  Can we ever understand this love?  

Human love… falling in love.  Now, I can’t say I know from experience, but when you are interested in someone, you want to know everything about them.  The more you learn about them (hopefully) the more you fall in love with them (although we all know my friends that this isn’t always the case)… BUT, as we learn more about who God is and truly use our minds to engage in this thinking, everyday we can draw closer to him, because we’ve seen more of who he is, and seen more of his heart.

There’s a song that makes me cry nearly ever time I hear it called, “Only Love Remains” by JJ Heller.  Listen to it if you get the chance, it’s an amazing prayer for our lives.

Scenes of you come rushing through you are breaking me down,
so break me into pieces that will grow in the ground.
I know that I deserve to die for the murder in my heart,
so be gentle with me Jesus as you tear me apart.

Please, kill the liar, kill the thief in me,
I know that I am tired of their cruelty.
Breathe into my spirit, breathe into my veins,

Until only love remains.

You burn away the ropes that bind and hold me to the earth,
the fire only leaves behind whatever is of worth.
I begin to see reality for the first time in my life,
I know that I am a shadow but I’m dancing in your light.

Teach me to be humble, call me from the grave,
show me how to walk with you upon the waves.
Breathe into my spirit, breath into my veins,

Until only love remains.

 

That’s all I want.  I want him to take away everything that means nothing in my heart, until all I have is love for him.  Each day, part of loving him is surrendering the things in my heart that I’m holding so tightly too.  I’m such a classic first-born child.  I have dreams, and I have plans.  Sometimes I’m not afraid to let God know that “I’m sorry, but this wasn’t in my plan”.  

Letting go.

Loving him with ALL my heart.. not just part of it.

In 1 John 5:21, the very last verse, it says, “Dear children, keep away from anything that might take God’s place in your hearts.” 

This will most likely be continued at a later time, but for now here are a few songs on my playlist “LOVE of GOD”:

“Love Song” by Jason Morant
“Divine Romance” by Phil Wickham
“If I Have Not Love” by Matt Redman
“Saving Grace” by Hillsong United
“Captivated” by Vicky Beeching
“Glance” by Misty Edwards

May you experience his love with each breath he has given you.  May you return to your first love, or maybe for the first time experience his love.  Let him love you.  Let him pursue you.  Let him take the darkness and the heavy loads you hide deep within your heart.  Return.  Love.