Tag: hope

move

MeridithLeave a comment

Life has been really challenging for me lately.  The balance of what “could be” and what “should be”.  Redemption.  Reconciliation.  I just don’t get it.  It’s so hard.  Trying to follow God, but seriously, seriously having so many doubts I can’t even begin to name them right now.  Challenging puts it lightly.

I have so little faith it’s not even funny.  How could it be funny?

What am I doing and where am I going?

Then this morning, a song from the distant past started playing on my playlist.  I cried.  I was moved.  Dare you to move.  Move.  Don’t be still.  Don’t just let it all happen.

“Dare you to move.  Dare you to move.  Dare you to lift yourself up off the floor…

The tension is here, the tension is here, between who you are and who you could be, between how it is and how it should be…

Maybe redemption has stories to tell, maybe forgiveness is right where you fell, but when you run to escape from yourself, where you gonna go?  Where you gonna go?  Salvation is here.”

I don’t know what to say.  But salvation is here.  You can pick yourself up.  And move.  I can pick myself up and move.  Toward God.  Toward hope.  Toward peace.

the blinker. part 2.

MeridithLeave a comment

silence.  in between the sound
the pounding sound
of the blinker
takes me back to that place

daydreaming again what i did before
again.  6 months later
still wishing
a warm touch of the hand

thought i had found what i was looking for
in the depth of your blue eyes
straining to look deeply
to see if you see what i see

but you don’t
you didn’t
but i was the fool to believe
you could see what i tried to see

i put on my rose colored glasses
lenses made of “love” and “lust”
seeing a picture perfect life
just in the beginning, just during the lies

the memories can’t be erased
though somedays i wish they could
i wish the pain was easy to forget
to you it seems to be easy to forget
but when you are always next to an empty bottle
i guess it becomes an easy escape

to escape the pain you have caused too many
too many who were trusting of you
trusting of your strong arm
“protection” we thought we needed

the sound of the blinker brings me back
all the memories flashing in front of me
but once again, the car turns
and the silence returns

the empty space is still silent
but filled with continued memories of you
even on my best days, they are still marked with thoughts of you
but i’d never go back.  i’d never go back

no reason to return to lies
no reason to enter the facade of a “life” you’ve made for yourself
no reason to live in your world
no reason to trust any word you ever spoke
no reason to believe i am who you are

the blinker

lenten prayers and thoughts

MeridithLeave a comment

“Hope by its very nature captivates both our hearts and heads.  It evokes deep emotion.  It moves in and makes itself at home in our souls.  It takes up residence at the very core of who we are.  That is why it is so vital that we begin to place our hope in the Lord.” -Adam R. Holz

Breathe in me,
O Holy Spirit,
that my thoughts may all be holy.

Act in me,
O Holy Spirit,
that my work, too may be holy.

Draw my heart,
O Holy Spirit,
that I love only what is holy.

Strengthen me,
O Holy Spirit,
to defend all that is holy.

Guard me, then,
O Holy Spirit,
that I may always be holy.

-St. Augustine

Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven,
whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man against whom the LORD counts no iniquity,
and in whose spirit there is no deceit…
Many are the sorrows of the wicked,
but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the LORD.
Be glad in the LORD, and rejoice, O righteous,
and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!
Psalm 32: 1-2, 10-11

“O God, the deathless hope of everyone, we rejoice that you support us both when young and even to old age.  When our strength comes from you, it is strength indeed; but when our own strength is all we have, it is feebleness.  You give refreshment and true strength.” -St. Augustine

solitude, silence, and God’s word

MeridithLeave a comment

“In solitude, we come to know the Spirit who has already been given to us.  The pains and struggles we encounter in our solitude thus become the way to hope, because our hope is not based on something that will happen after our sufferings are over, but on the real presence of God’s healing Spirit in the midst of these sufferings.”

“The Word of God is not a word to apply in our daily lives at some later date; it is a word to heal us through, and in our listening here and now.”

“The Word of God is always sacramental.  In the book of Genesis we are told that God created the world, but in Hebrew the words for ‘speaking’ and ‘creating’ are the same word.  Literally translated it says, ‘God spoke light and light was’.  For God, speaking is creating.  when we say that God’s word is sacred, we mean that God’s word is full of God’s presence.  On the road to Emmaus, Jesus became present through his word, and it was that presence that transformed sadness to joy and mourning to dancing… The word that is read and spoken wants to lead us into God’s presence and transform our hearts and minds…”

Henri Nouwen, from “With Burning Hearts”, and “Making All Things New”