Author: Meridith

Somehow he's seen something in me that makes me who I am. Somehow he's taken the broken pieces and made it so it doesn't matter how many pieces I'm broken into. Somehow love seems to be found through the one who paid the ultimate price for me. Somehow I am inspired and pushed each day to give to others because of what he gave for me. Somehow he sees me as beautiful.

so much

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There’s so much I could say.

I survived my first week of EDUC 500: Educational Psychology, and I’m just going to keep on going.  It’s honestly really difficult to take classes while working full time, but I can’t imagine it working with any other job.  Everything I’ve been learning directly fits in with what I’m doing during the day, so it’s very helpful.

So the countdown:
Educational Psychology last day (with a 15 page paper and reading over 400 pages of studies on Educational Psychology with annotated bibliography): Friday, March 6 (PLUS I have an extra 12 hours on everyone in my class).

Last day of school at GES: March 27; last teacher work day: March 31 

Arrival at home: around April 6th (yet to be confirmed)

Pear Blossom Run: April 11, 8:30 AM (call me crazy, I KNOW I am already!)

Second class: EDUC 518 Educational Research: Begins March 16, and last day: May 8 (extending into my time back in the States).

Anyway, life is crazy right now.  I can’t even tell you.  Luckily we had Friday off for “Teacher’s Day”, and got to lay on the beach for a few days so we don’t lose our tans ;).  This weekend will be insane.  I have lots of familiar faces I will see, which will really be nice!  I’m also leaving on Sunday to help lead worship with a team from Roseburg Alliance who are serving at a “retreat” I guess you could call it, but it’s Christian leaders from China who will be conferencing here in Thailand.  I’ll be taking 3 days off next week, so I have SO MUCH to do to prepare for subs, get caught up on lesson planning, and on top of that finish with my weekly stuff for my class.  It’ll be crazy, but I think that’s part of what makes me feel alive these days.

There’s a song I just haven’t been able to get out of my head.  Brooke Fraser is an amazing songwriter, singer and worship leader with Hillsong, and her song “Shadowfeet” really describes my thoughts as I think about the future, going home, and finishing up my time here in Thailand.  Here are lyrics, and I’ll put the music video up for you to check out!  I just love how it says, “I am changing: less and less asleep”, because how many times do we live life like we’re asleep?  Like it’s not really real?  Or we’re waiting until… we’re waiting for something to happen to us that will cause us to feel like we’ve really begun life, but the truth is: THIS IS LIFE.

And the other truth is: HE MAKES ALL THINGS NEW.  I feel like I’ll be leaving Thailand a different person, but made new.  I’m changing, I’m less and less asleep.  I’m walking, stumbling.

HE makes all things new, and when the world seems to fall apart, I’ll be found in him, and that’s a truth that cannot be taken from me.

“SHADOWFEET” by Brooke Fraser

Walking,stumbling on these shadowfeet
toward home, a land that I’ve never seen
I am changing: less and less asleep
made of different stuff than when I began
and I have sensed it all along
fast approaching is the day

[CHORUS]
When the world has fallen out from under me
I’ll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I’ll be found in you

Theres distraction buzzing in my head
saying: in the shadows it’s easier to stay
But I’ve heard rumours of true reality
whispers of a well-lit way

[CHORUS]

You make all things new

[CHORUS]

[CHORUS 2]
When the world has fallen out from under me
I’ll be found in you, still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
when time and space are through
I’ll be found in you

Confessions of a former faker.

Meridith2 Comments

This past week I had coffee with Joni, my good friend and wife of the Youth Pastor at our church here in Thailand.  Her and I are quite similar in many ways, but through her friendship I’ve really gained some perspective on who I once was.  Not so long ago.

Growing up in the church and with your parents being important people in the church and in ministry, it’s so easy to be fake.  You have to.  Or you think you have to.  You think you have to pretend everything is great and perfect so they will think you’re a perfect PK, then you quote all the memory verses you learned in AWANA, and of course if you didn’t sing the hymns during church that meant that you were rebelling and so that wasn’t allowed either.  I was so fake.  I’ve really begun to see this more clearly just recently since coming to Thailand, because the fake-ness continued in college.  And for that I must apologize.

I realized at a young age, 13 to be exact, that I was called to do ministry.  I can’t really explain that call, but God definitely put it on my heart.  That was also the same age I became involved in worship teams and being up in front of people.  Our Youth Pastor always encouraged us as the band, that we especially needed to be right with God.  I think for some reason that filtered to me with a translation saying “you need to be perfect.  you can’t let people see your struggles.  you can’t let anyone see your weakness”, though I know that’s not how it was intended to be. 

I believe in college, those walls began to come down, but I really feel in some ways it got a bit worse at times.  This is my confession as a former faker, and for that I believe I owe hundreds, maybe even thousands of people apologies.  

Secular music listening was always looked down upon growing up, so when high school hit and all my friends listened to secular music, at first I thought THEY were the bad ones.  Then I started listening to it and hiding it, like it was some huge sin I was hiding.  I’m not condoning secular music, nor condemning it.  It’s like Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6:12, “You say, ‘I am allowed to do anything’ – but not everything is good for you.  And even though ‘I am allowed to do anything,’ I must not become a slave to anything”.  What matters here to God is our hearts.  Our hearts are easily drawn to things that seem to look pleasurable to the world, but we must always ask our own hearts if this will cause the eyes of our hearts to look elsewhere, and away from the LORD.  I would apply this to other “grey” areas that seem to exist in the church today, such as alcohol, eating, hobbies, and anything else that takes up a significant amount of time in your day.

So, back to the faker I was.  I think my walls began to come down around the time I went to India, and more around my Senior year at Simpson.  So many Christians are just like me, like I was.  It’s much easier to pretend like everything is just fine than face cleaning up the mess that you dump in front of everyone.  These lessons have so much to do with worship leading for me, because in my mind, YES, as a worship leader you must always be even more sensitive the LORD’s voice, but that does not in any mean: 1) you are better than everyone else 2) you have no need to take extra Bible studies or 3) to be fake all the time because everyone is watching you.

I’m not sure what my ultimate point is, BUT after talking with Joni yesterday she encouraged me in several ways as I go on beyond GES to whatever is next.  Because of the way I’ve been brought up, I need to recognize that my first instinct is almost always to serve, and not to be served in ministry.  But as I’ve seen first hand here, if you have nothing to give, you end up much more dry than you were before, which leads often to confusion and burn out.  

My prayer for the future is that I will be filled continually through God’s word, worship, fellowship, confession, and truth.  So this is me, I am a former faker.  But by God’s grace I will continue as I have learned and experienced here in Thailand, and be OPEN about who I am and the things God is doing in me and teaching me.

reflections

Meridith2 Comments

After two weeks of a break, I’ve spent a great deal of time reflecting on the last year, and my time since graduation as well.  It’s almost been two years since I graduated from college!  Hard to believe, really!  Anyway, I was just thinking how at the beginning of 2008, I clearly remember sitting up one sleepless night writing out some hopes that I had for the next year, but never dreaming I’d end up in Thailand, that’s for sure!  Though, I had this feeling that never left me last year, and that feeling was one of knowing there was something HUGE that would be coming.  

Thailand has been such a great experience for me, and from the beginning, I knew there would come a time when I needed to make a decision whether I would come back for a second year here at GES.  Since I arrived I’ve gone through the classic signs of culture shock, and I immediately fell in love with Thailand and everything around me.  Then there came a dip around September, then things evened out, and now I’m just coming out of a huge pit of despair and feeling depressed.  From here on out, according to the models of culture shock, I should be okay.  All this to say, I feel I’ve come to a good decision in light of all the future events to come.  

So much has changed in my own life since I’ve been here.  I’ve learned so much about myself, and grown in ways that I never would have grown if I would have stayed in the States.  Being overseas really challenges a different part of you.  You’ve spent your entire life in enviorments that make sense to you and you can control, but when you remove yourselves from those people, experiences, memories and things, you are literally up-rooted from the ground, and planted in an enviorment that is completely foreign to you.  Just like up-rooting a palm tree and planting it in Alaska.  Could work… but not for long.  Palm trees need sunlight and warm to survive.

Thailand is a place that desperately is in need of the gospel, and missionaries have been here for years sharing the gospel to one person at a time.  The amazing thing about our jobs as teachers in a school like GES is that we can plant, plant, plant and continue to plant these seeds that we KNOW won’t grow for many years.  Because of the Thai culture these kids don’t really understand anything else but Buddhism, BUT our prayer as their teachers and educators is that one day, when they are older and understand more of the world and things around them, that things will click and make sense, and they will know that Jesus Christ is their Savior and is the ONLY way to heaven.  Maybe they will even recall a song I’ve taught them that will make sense… but only later in time.  I feel my work here has been profitable, but the work is also something that you should feel called to do (for long term ministry), and have the emotional support to do, which are two things I do not have at this time.  I feel honored that God chose me this year to work with these kids, and I know I will deeply miss each of them.  (I know this because I miss them every time we’re gone on a two-week break!)

All that to say that yes, I will be returning to the States.  I have spent a lot of time praying about this decision, and I feel such a peace about it.  For those who do not know, I was offered a potential part-time worship leading position at our church here as well (for next year), which I was completely torn over for weeks and weeks.  Worship is something I have a calling and passion for, but I know that the time isn’t right.  The offer was humbling and I felt blessed to feel confirmation in my heart that this in fact is what God is calling me to in the future, but I know that Thailand is not the place for me at this time.

There are many changes not only in my own life, but also in the lives of many I know and love around me.  I know it will be a difficult adjustment when I arrive back home, as it will alter many things that have always been.  Two of my very close friends from high school will get married this coming summer, and I’m so happy I will get to share those memories with them.  But also, my sister Lindsay has also just gotten engaged, and they will be married in October, so that’s a huge change for my family.  All of these life-changes are things that have also lead me to decide to come back to the States.

You will notice I have not said “Medford” in any of my references to coming back home.  Granted Medford will be a “launching pad” of sorts as I will be all up and down the West coast upon my return to the States.  I plan to enter into a season of rest and refilling once I get back.  I look forward to visiting with friends and family, and catching up on the past 10 months.  I can’t wait.  But as for where I will settle down after the excitement of all the weddings and reunions, of that I am still uncertain.

Another big change begins in just about a week for me.  I will be a Graduate student, pursuing my Master of Arts in Teaching through Liberty University.  It’s primarily an online degree, with the exception of 3 intensive courses I will take out in Virginia on campus, Lord willingly this coming summer.  I will be taking 2 eight week courses over the next few months to kick things off, and then next fall take more units.  I’m really excited about this, but definitely nervous also.  I love kids and teaching, so I think this is the right direction for now, but God is in control so if things change down the road, I won’t be worried.  I still would like to pursue a job in vocational ministry one day, or even recording also, but for now this seems like the best option for making money and paying the bills.

Anyway, there’s definitely a lot more I could say right now about our last vacation, and just the excitement of finishing up the school year, but I think this is enough for now.  I pray blessings on you all and that the LORD will lead and guide you along the path he has for you.

In Him,
Meridith

see you in 2009 folks!

Meridith2 Comments

Hey everyone,

The  first week of our break has flown by faster than I could have imagined.  I spent a great deal of time just relaxing and taking it easy, it was a nice change of pace.  I spent Christmas day with great friends, great food, and great conversation (both on the phone and in person).  I’m grateful to have people around who care about making it feel just a little bit like we are home with our families… it will be a Christmas to remember, that’s for sure.

Tonight I’m taking off for the beach!  Praise the Lord for the sand, sun etc… it will be awesome!  We’ll be ringing in the new year with strangers, and I’m sure an equally interesting time.  Anyway, we’ll be taking an overnight bus tonight, then spending the rest of the week swimming in tropical paradise.

Hope you all are well… even thought I’ve felt quite tired (still), I’m encouraged knowing that God is still God, and is still in control!

Blessings..
Meridith 

Here’s our destination, Phi Phi Island:

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it’s beginning to… wait, it’s Christmas?

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Aside from the glittering glam at all the malls I go to, I would have no clue it was Christmas!  But apparently it’s Christmas Eve-Eve today.  December 23rd.

The songs, food, lights and everything we prepared for the Christmas program have long faded, and the mess from two nights of programs has been cleaned.  Our first program was on Friday night, and it was the younger kids, and then the older kids were on Saturday night.  Here are a few pictures, just to give you a taste of the evening:

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Anyway, it was a good night, but I’m so glad it’s over.  I can hardly believe it.  It feels so weird that it’s all over.  We worked for 6 weeks to get ready, and it was all a whirlwind.  It was a lot of fun dressing up for the programs, myself and two of my roommates got dresses made for the program, and as you can see, they did a BEAUTIFUL job on my dress!  Over here, the tailors, and all clothing makers are amazing.  We all just brought in pictures of the styles we liked, and they made them for us!  I also have videos of all the songs for the younger kids, so eventually hopefully I’ll put those up.

I don’t really know who reads this blog anyway.. maybe mostly facebook people since it pops up!  Anyway, for the past three days I’ve laid low, and haven’t made any huge plans.  Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and as of now, I plan on going in the morning to Hot Yoga at our gym, then hanging around our apartment for the rest of the day.  We have a Christmas Eve service at the church, and I’m singing a special song, so I figure I should get ready for that!

Christmas morning, Tiffany (a fellow teacher here at GES) and I will go over to our friends for breakfast, then we’ll have a Christmas Dinner at our Pastors’ home.  I’m so glad I’ll be surrounded by great people on Christmas day, it’ll be a great great time.  

My plans for this week were to: rest, have alone time, work out, and just RELAX.. which I’ve gotten to do so far, so I’d say it’s been a great break thus far.

This Saturday I’ll head down to the beach with several other teachers, then come back the following Friday.  I can’t believe it’s almost 2009!!  I think my next blog will be wrapping up 2008, and talking about 2009 goals… :).

Hope you are all well (whoever is reading this!).  Have a very Merry Christmas, and may you be reminded of your blessings as you’re surrounded by loved ones and you reflect upon the past year in all it’s trials and victories.  Love you all.

Four more…

Meridith2 Comments

days!  We have four more days of school, no school this Friday, but rather prep for our first program (Friday evening), then Saturday will be our second program.  I can’t believe it’s already here!  It seems like just yesterday we got back from our break in October.  

Christmas time here in Thailand feels like any other time in Thailand.  It’s still warm, yet cooler than when I first arrived and also during rainy season.  All the malls are decorated extravagantly, some even more than I’ve seen in NYC.  It’s like magic, or it would feel like magic if it were cold.  Christmas just isn’t Christmas when you aren’t home.  That’s what I’ve come to realize.

I need prayer for this week.  Stress-wise I’m doing just fine, but I have a feeling as the week goes on, it may get worse.  I’m also sick again.  I really need prayer for that.  I’m so discouraged.  I have been sick on and off for nearly 3 months now with one thing after another.  I had to miss our all-Staff Christmas party on Friday because I had a fever (again).  I think my body just isn’t used to being so warm all the time, and not having the seasons.  (Who ever would have thought I would say anything like that!)  Anyway, so just pray for healing in my body, and that I wouldn’t struggle with sickness for the rest of the year.  It really does a lot for well-being.  

We have a two week break again after our programs, and I’m really looking forward to some down time.  For the first week I will definitely be staying here, and enjoying the peace and quiet around campus for that time.  I will be spending Christmas Day with our Pastor and his family, which looking forward to.  Our church has a Christmas Eve service as well, which I hope to be involved with.  My friends will come back from a week in Chiang Mai on Saturday, the 27th, then we will take off for the beaches down south.  Maybe I already mentioned this.. in fact, I think I did, but none the less, I am really, REALLY glad to have a break soon.

Exciting news for Nonthaburi, we just had a mall put in near the school called “Central Plaza Chaengwattana” and I went there last night, but only for dinner, and was BLOWN AWAY!  It’s HUGE!  23 Stories to be exact!  Next time I go there, I’ll take some pictures, but I think it’s potentially one of the largest malls I’ve ever been to.  Downtown, “Siam Paragon” is rather large, so maybe it’s competing with that mall, but for way out here in Nonthaburi, this is definitely BIG NEWS.

Oh, so yesterday in the midst of my sickness, I went with a family of one of my students to a puppet play downtown.  It was actually really well done, and the puppets were controlled by 3 people, and performed traditional and modern Thai dances.  Here’s just a picture I pulled offline.. I’ll put more pictures up when I get them.

01Alright, well the night is quickly passing, and I need to head to bed early tonight.. for REAL!  I hope you all are well, and again I apologize for all the unnecessary concern from the email sent out last week!  I still feel awful about it!

Blessings and peace to you all!

get a strange email from me?

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In case you didn’t receive my distress email… well, someone hacked into my email account, and sent out an email claiming I was in Africa and it was begging you to send me money.  NOT TRUE!

So, my old email address has now been shut down, and I can’t even access it anymore :(.  Therefore all my contacts.. gone, except for the once I could recover from the last update I sent out.

My new email is: meridithraejohnson@gmail.com, please disregard the email sent from my former address, and delete that address from your contacts, as it is no longer working!

Thanks… I’ll post a “real” update soon, but for now I’m off to enjoy my Saturday!

thai-gir (tiger)

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The title of this blog has nothing to do with what I’m going to talk about, except that I should point out that L’s and R’s are frequently blended together in the Thai language. Thus the words “thai girl”, could easily sound like “tiger”.

It’s the end of another week. I have no clue where this week went… thankfully in this difficult time, the days seem to fly by. Tomorrow (Friday) is Father’s Day here in Thailand, because it’s the King’s birthday, so we have no school tomorrow. I was going to go with a few friends to Koh Samet, a beach about 3 hours away, but now I’m rethinking my decision… it might be nice to relax instead of constantly going, going, going. I’ll make my final decision later tonight I suppose.

On Sunday I rolled my ankle while running, something I’d never experienced until now. I’m still hurting, and have to be careful when I walk… here are a few pictures… one of my “normal” ankle, and then of my destroyed one 😦

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ANYWAY…I’m pretty sure there is some sort of mosquito nest in the Music Room.  Every time I’m at my desk for any period of time, I always seem to get bit all over!

Well, we have 8 more school days until Christmas break/Christmas PROGRAM time!  I’m focusing on not stressing about the programs… I don’t want another freak out like what happened with the Talent Show.  I know that it won’t go perfectly, but the parents will still be proud of their kids no matter what!  The songs are all mostly learned, so I’m not worried about that.  I’m just going to focus on sleeping at night, and breathing in an out in slow, deep breaths.  I wasn’t meant to stress.  It’s not healthy!

I’m feeling better from how I was before, but now it seems like I have allergies or something!  Just what I need.. and endless string of different sicknesses.  Please continue to pray for health.

Last night I saw Twilight with several other girls.  Great movie, I read the book this last week… and I finished in 3 days!  If you know me, you know I don’t normally get all sucked into these things, but it was so good!  I guess a part of me will always feel the same way as I did in High school, and that same girl is definitely still down there, no matter how old I may be!

Blessings to you all… hope life is well where you are, and remember God is always with us, guiding us, as always.

November 29

Meridith2 Comments

I’ve begun to write several blogs since my last update, but then I give up because I have so much to say, and just can’t seem to put it into words.

November really has flown by, as we all had anticipated.  Now we have 3 weeks, and 12 school days until the Christmas Program (and Christmas Break of course!).  Last weekend was the church retreat, which I mentioned earlier, and it went really well!  Aside from me being sick and running to the bathroom ever 10 minutes, it was wonderful!  Haha, I did spend a significant time sleeping and just relaxing, so that was nice. Here’s a picture from one of our worship times:

n1081742605_30200445_8292I’m not really sure what to say.  I’ve been going through times of such deep discouragement at times, marked by short times where I’m filled with so much joy that I can’t even explain.  I don’t even know how to be myself at times… if you’ve ever been overseas for a significant amount of time, I think you’d understand some of the things I’m describing.  It’s hard for me to think about making rational decisions about the future, when everything seems so cloudy at times.  My friend Joni and her husband Paul are the Youth Pastors at our church, and she told me once, “Here in Thailand, you never really feel ‘normal'”, which I think is the truth.  This isn’t my culture, this isn’t ever what I pictured my life to be, and therefore no wonder I feel so weird at times.  For the past week, I haven’t even been able to really eat Thai food.  That’s partly because when I got sick (for the second time) it had been because of some Thai food I ate.  So, I’ve been on an all-American food diet (consisting of : KFC, McDonalds, Pizza, Sandwiches….).

Anyway.  Our Thanksgiving day quickly passed, just like any other day that we’ve been here.  That night we did however eat a nice dinner ad McDonalds.  🙂  We will be having a dinner here at the school on Sunday with turkey, stuffing, pumpkin pie.. and everything else!  So that is definitely exciting.

In less than a week, I will also celebrate another significant event: my 6 month anniversary since arriving in Thailand.  I can hardly believe it.  It seems like it’s gone by really fast (which is good NOW I suppose!).  On June 5th I left home and arrived here in Bangkok.  In many ways, it still seems that I’m eternally stuck in June here.  It’s still hot, and everything is the same around me.  Weird.

Christmas break we will also have another two weeks off of school!  I’m not sure exactly what my plans are, but I will probably be heading back up to Chiang Mai to the orphanage we were at over October break, then a bunch of us will meet up on Phi-Phi (pronounced “pee pee”) Island to celebrate New Year’s together!  It’ll be nice to have another break, and try to feel not so far away from home over Christmas.

I’m told January-March goes by really fast, and isn’t quite as unbearable as things have been lately.  That’s a relief to hear.  Anyway, it’s now Saturday morning, and I’ve eaten my oatmeal breakfast, and now I’m going on a run before taking off to visit a friend downtown (and of course go shopping!).  Please keep me in your prayers, I know God has me here for a reason, and I need to hold onto the peace that I felt deep down when I first arrived here 6 months ago.  

 

Psalm 46

1 God is our refuge and strength, 
an ever-present help in trouble.

 2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way 
       and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

 3 though its waters roar and foam 
       and the mountains quake with their surging. 
       Selah

 4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, 
       the holy place where the Most High dwells.

 5 God is within her, she will not fall; 
       God will help her at break of day.

 6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; 
       he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

 7 The LORD Almighty is with us; 
       the God of Jacob is our fortress. 
       Selah

 8 Come and see the works of the LORD, 
       the desolations he has brought on the earth.

 9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; 
       he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, 
       he burns the shields with fire.

 10 “Be still, and know that I am God; 
       I will be exalted among the nations, 
       I will be exalted in the earth.”

 11 The LORD Almighty is with us; 
       the God of Jacob is our fortress. 
       Selah