this has been “one of those weeks”.
one of those weeks that before it even began, i said to myself: “i wish it was friday”.
sometimes a good cry in the bathroom is just what the doctor ordered.
i plan to take a couple prayer walks today.
GOD.. be my strength.
“In His Name
All our fears are swept away
He never fails”
Each day, I find myself surrounded by holy moments. Not because I work at a church. Actually I think that’s the opposite reason I experience these moments. It’s in working out things. Talking to people. Expressing pain. Expressing beauty. Expressing love, care and concern in whatever way I can.
I love passing along verses to people. Especially lately verses that have been so convicting in my own heart and life, I just know I have to share them with others because they’ve impacted me so greatly. I don’t do it to tell them they need to change, I just throw it out there, because I know it’s changed me.
I experience God in many ways, one of them is in running. Another is in creation and the beauty of all that is around me. And another, just as of lately, has been in people. Now I don’t consider myself a total “people person”, but lately there have been many precious conversations that have caused me to just gently be reminded that God is here. With me. Holding my hand. Wiping my tears. Giving me dreams again. He’s here. He uses other people to sometimes show me things I’ve never thought of before.
Holy moments.
Lately I’ve been taking prayer walks. During the day, especially since it’s been so nice lately. Walking around the apartments near the church and just praying fervently. That our church would learn and see how to have compassion and love for these people… these broken people who are so different from us. Who live with their boyfriends or girlfriends, who have many children. Who have many tattoos. Who smell bad. Who cuss us out. Who want nothing to do with church. GOD… how can we love these people???? Our church has been put in this location for a reason. Why are we not broken over wanting to see these people in church and praying for their salvation?
When I read the gospels, I see this picture of Jesus and I wonder… what would he do, now? What would he think of our high walls, gates, and beautiful clothing? What would he think that we are shutting the world out of our “holy” place?
Met with a friend yesterday who goes with a group of people to narcotics anonymous weekly. She said that meeting is more spiritual to her than any other church service she’s been to. Because it’s real.
Holy moments.
They are all around us.
In a smile, a warm touch, a friend, an enemy, in working through our bitterness.
Embracing the holy moments.
Maybe I don’t have the strength
Maybe I don’t have the faith
You brought me here in 40 years
When I know this trip should take a week
I’ve shed my tears and shed my blood
Been held ransom by the flood
The winter steals my songs away
In all of this I’ve come undone
When you walk through the water I will be with you
When you pass through the river the waves they will not overtake you
When you walk on the fire the flames will not touch you
You are mine, you are mine
I’ve been a child I’ve been a slave
I’ve grown bitter and learned to pray
Packed my bags and started back
The cost was just too high to pay
Isaiah 43:1b-7
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush[a] and Seba in your stead.
4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you,
nations in exchange for your life.
5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.
6 I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’
Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth—
7 everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made.”
Holy Week this week.
Lent has been different this year for me. Not as intentional as I’ve been in the past. Honestly, I tried to give up facebook for the entire 46 days, just to have some extra focus. Then it turned into just checking it if I needed to, and then just not wasting my time on there.
There are more important things going on around in the world than what your friends are saying on facebook. That’s for sure. I value my friends greatly, but more importantly, I value my REAL friends, the ones who are in my life and who pursue me as a friend, and that usually is distinct from facebook.
So much more I COULD say. But I won’t.
This week is interesting, because it’s so full of the ancient, but also the new. This goes in the realm of good, and of evil. It seems the deceiver works extra hard these leading up to Easter days too. Thinking he still has victory, somehow, someway.
But we have the victory.
Because HE lives.
It’s beautiful.
I’ve often thought about this, but I wondered, why is it that I’ve come to embrace and love the cross so much more as I’ve grown older? The answer is simple: because I know I need it. When I was younger, I didn’t see my need for it. I was “good enough”. I didn’t really do anything that bad. But now I know.
Now I know I’m lost without the cross. Without the sacrifice.
This morning I read Matthew’s account of the crucifixion. And cried. Matthew 27. Just the thought of Jesus bearing all the sin of the whole world on his shoulders still makes me weep. I’m not being overly spiritual here. Think about it. The weight of everything we’ve ever done or will do weighing on him. Pulling down on perfection. White becoming black with no reason, no cause. Just love.
Humbling.
Why do we still slap him in the face and hurl insults at him today? We do this through our actions and thoughts. Every moment. We are non-holy beings. How could we ever deserve to be called holy? Righteous? Loved?
I plead with you my friends, can we strive to seek him? Serve him? Turn away from darkness into light?
Through his grace. Through his grace alone.
Isaiah 53:3-6
(emphasis mine)
3 He was despised and rejected—
a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief.
We turned our backs on him and looked the other way.
He was despised, and we did not care.
4 Yet it was our weaknesses he carried;
it was our sorrows that weighed him down.
And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God,
a punishment for his own sins!
5 But he was pierced for our rebellion,
crushed for our sins.
He was beaten so we could be whole.
He was whipped so we could be healed.
6 All of us, like sheep, have strayed away.
We have left God’s paths to follow our own.
Yet the Lord laid on him
the sins of us all.
may i never be more attached to my material belongings
than i am to my identity which is found in you
may i never be defined by the clothes on my back or things in my house
than i am defined by who i am in you and where my real home is located (John 14:2-3)
may i never seek after being clothed in expensive things that will perish
but rather be clothed and draped in salvation and righteousness (Isaiah 61:10)
may my heart never be filled with greed, pride, lust, sadness, or hate
but rather be overflowing with joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control, love, and faithfulness (Gal. 5:22-23)
may my focus not be on the things here on this earth
but rather be set on heaven, where You are, seated at the right hand of God (Col. 3:1-2)
may i never be more focused on gaining earthly, human love
but rather to spread the perfect love of Christ over every single person I know (1 John 4:11)
may i never strive to gain the ideals of “American Christianity”
but rather to be a lover of Jesus Christ, and a follower of his word
may i never seek security in wealth, things, and people
but a security in my salvation and in my eternal destiny, in Him (Hebrews 6:13-20)
may i never forget my first love
the one who called me out of darkness, into his marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9)
“Hope by its very nature captivates both our hearts and heads. It evokes deep emotion. It moves in and makes itself at home in our souls. It takes up residence at the very core of who we are. That is why it is so vital that we begin to place our hope in the Lord.” -Adam R. Holz
Breathe in me,
O Holy Spirit,
that my thoughts may all be holy.
Act in me,
O Holy Spirit,
that my work, too may be holy.
Draw my heart,
O Holy Spirit,
that I love only what is holy.
Strengthen me,
O Holy Spirit,
to defend all that is holy.
Guard me, then,
O Holy Spirit,
that I may always be holy.
-St. Augustine
Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven,
whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man against whom the LORD counts no iniquity,
and in whose spirit there is no deceit…
Many are the sorrows of the wicked,
but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the LORD.
Be glad in the LORD, and rejoice, O righteous,
and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!
Psalm 32: 1-2, 10-11
“O God, the deathless hope of everyone, we rejoice that you support us both when young and even to old age. When our strength comes from you, it is strength indeed; but when our own strength is all we have, it is feebleness. You give refreshment and true strength.” -St. Augustine
there never seems to be a way
to pen exactly the words i long to say
never seems to be one complete thought
everything just drifting in and out
there’s never quite a closed chapter
or a happily ever after
that brings completeness and joy
that isn’t marked with more blood and pain
i’ve never fully found all the words i long to say
without stumbling along the way
weeding in and out of the happy and sad
but just trying to hold onto truth
so even though i’ll never really know
all this life has to hold
i’ll just keep walking through
knowing i can hold onto You.
Here are the beautiful words to one of Charles Wesley’s hymns, I don’t know the hymn, but the words are touching, and so rich. I’ve been reading through a book for the past year or so, divided into 52 weeks with different Wesleyan meditations. Each lesson includes a different hymn by Charles Wesley; this is one I recently read, then discovered again today, and was touched.
This is the book here, if you are interested, “A Life Shaping Prayer”.
Come, sinners, to the gospel feast;
let every soul be Jesu’s guest;
Ye need not one be left behind,
For God hath bid all humankind.
Sent by my Lord, on you I call;
the invitation is to all:
Come, all the world; come, sinner, thou!
All things in Christ are ready now.
Come, all ye souls by sin oppressed,
Ye restless wanderers after rest,
Ye poor, and maimed, and halt, and blind,
In Christ a hearty welcome find.
This is the time: no more delay!
This is the Lord’s accepted day;
Come thou, this moment, at his call,
And live for him who died for all!
I just love this song… the picture of being so close to the cross, and really understanding the meaning of Christ’s sacrifice for us on the cross. I especially think more about the cross as we approach Thanksgiving, and of course Christmas.
We have so much to be thankful for, I’m amazed at his mercy and grace, new every morning.
Sweet the moments, rich in blessing
Which before the cross I spend
Life and health and peace possessing
From the sinners only Friend
Here I’ll rest forever viewing
Mercy poured in streams of blood
Precious drops my soul bedewing
Plead and claim my peace with God
Standing by the cross
The cross of Calvary
Looking up to my sweet Jesus
Mercy given full and free
Truly blessed is the station
Low before His cross to lie
While I see divine compassion
Beaming in his gracious eye
Here I feel my sins forgiven
While upon the Lamb I gaze
And my thoughts are all of heaven
And my lips overflow with praise
Standing by the cross
The Cross of Calvary
Looking up to my sweet Jesus
Mercy given full and free
I’ve been studying Church History for the past few weeks, and digging deeper into the Church Fathers’ ideas about worship. Part of what has really intrigued me is the idea that things such as Baptism and the Eucharist were mediums through which God could (and can) be experienced. Worship not of water, food, or nature, but experiencing God through these things. Sometimes as evangelical Christians we are afraid to experience this, because we don’t want it to appear that we are actually worshipping the sky, or trees, or that the experience of being baptized in water that we worship the act of baptism.
Note: I’m not writing this blog to spark up a theological debate… just FYI.
Anyway, I LOVE Fall. There is something so magical and mysterious about the changing of seasons anyway, and that combined with the nights growing cooler, the rain coming back, and harvest, it just captures me. The other day, it was overcast and rainy, and all I could do was sit in my room and stare outside, because it was so beautiful. Fall is one of the things I missed when I was in Thailand, and last year, to experience Fall again was one of the greatest gifts.
The next few months are my favorite of the year. Watching football (High school football… I seriously could care less about watching college or pro… sorry), drinking Starbucks, reading, warm socks, playing outside… I love it all.
Anyway, some of my favorite hymns to sing just remind me of harvest and fall time, in fact, they are hard for me to sing any other time of the year…. two I can think of right now are “All Creatures of Our God and King”, and “Praise to the Lord, the Almighty the King of Creation”. Both are rich in imagery about creation, and seeing God in creation. Creation being a medium through which we can experience and worship God.
The text of these songs is beautiful, but the music that accompanies is also stunning. God has created this world, his finger-prints are all around us, yet we complain about the weather, and often times don’t stop to notice the small things. Seems crazy, but somehow running has taught me to notice those small things. Last Saturday, I ran 20 miles in mist, rain, and some fog, but it was incredible. When I left for my run it was eerie, but so beautiful at the same time, looking out on a sleepy world, and getting completely drenched as I ran for 3 and a half hours. Yes. It’s true. (That experience is a blog in and of itself!).
The Psalms are full of examples of seeing God in creation, and worshiping HIM.. not the creation of course. This concept is very biblical… here are a few verses… Psalm 24:1-2, “The earth is the LORD’s and the fullness thereof, the world and those who dwell therein, for he has founded it upon the seas and established it upon rivers.” Psalm 19:1, “The havens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork…”. The book of Job also is full of the worship of God in creation, and the acknowledgment that God is in control of the elements, in chapters 38 and forward, God lists out the ways he’s involved in all creation, and that creation is at his command. Personally, I think as a culture and society, we’re pulled away from the connection of God and creation because we are not as aware (and dependent) on farming, and harvest. Instead many live off processed and packaged food and don’t see the necessity (or value) or fresh, farmed food. In the Bible, we can see the dependence people had on God blessing the harvest, and being in control of the weather, simply because people were dependent on the land producing food…to live!! It was their livelihood (this is another blog, research paper, or doctoral thesis…).
Anyway. Read the words of this hymn. Let it sink in. It’s so beautiful. And of course listen to David Crowder’s version of it… it’s amazing. We’re doing this on Sunday… with my friend Leila playing fiddle… it’s going to be amazing, like the unfolding of a letter… word by word, sentence by sentence. Unfolding beauty and grace all in one.
All creatures of our God and King
Lift up your voice and with us sing
Oh, praise Him! Alleluia!
Thou burning sun with golden beam
Thou silver moon with softer gleam
Oh, praise Him! Oh, praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!
Thou rushing wind that art so strong
Ye clouds that sail in heav’n along
Oh, praise Him, Alleluia!
Thou rising moon in praise rejoice
Ye lights of evening find a voice
Oh, praise Him! Oh, praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!
Let all things their creator bless
And worship Him in humbleness
Oh, praise Him! Alleluia!
Praise, praise the Father praise the Son
And praise the Spirit three in one
Oh, praise Him! Oh, praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!
somehow beautiful 
