Category: Life

holy week

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Holy Week this week.

Lent has been different this year for me.  Not as intentional as I’ve been in the past.  Honestly, I tried to give up facebook for the entire 46 days, just to have some extra focus.  Then it turned into just checking it if I needed to, and then just not wasting my time on there.

There are more important things going on around in the world than what your friends are saying on facebook.  That’s for sure.  I value my friends greatly, but more importantly, I value my REAL friends, the ones who are in my life and who pursue me as a friend, and that usually is distinct from facebook.

So much more I COULD say.  But I won’t.

This week is interesting, because it’s so full of the ancient, but also the new.  This goes in the realm of good, and of evil.  It seems the deceiver works extra hard these leading up to Easter days too.  Thinking he still has victory, somehow, someway.

But we have the victory.

Because HE lives.

It’s beautiful.

I’ve often thought about this, but I wondered, why is it that I’ve come to embrace and love the cross so much more as I’ve grown older?  The answer is simple: because I know I need it.  When I was younger, I didn’t see my need for it.  I was “good enough”.  I didn’t really do anything that bad.  But now I know.

Now I know I’m lost without the cross. Without the sacrifice.

This morning I read Matthew’s account of the crucifixion.  And cried.  Matthew 27.  Just the thought of Jesus bearing all the sin of the whole world on his shoulders still makes me weep.  I’m not being overly spiritual here.  Think about it.  The weight of everything we’ve ever done or will do weighing on him.  Pulling down on perfection.  White becoming black with no reason, no cause. Just love.

Humbling.

Why do we still slap him in the face and hurl insults at him today?  We do this through our actions and thoughts.  Every moment.  We are non-holy beings.  How could we ever deserve to be called holy?  Righteous?  Loved?

I plead with you my friends, can we strive to seek him?  Serve him?  Turn away from darkness into light?

Through his grace.  Through his grace alone.

Isaiah 53:3-6
(emphasis mine)

 3 He was despised and rejected—
a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief.
We turned our backs on him and looked the other way.
He was despised, and we did not care.

 4 Yet it was our weaknesses he carried;
   it was our sorrows that weighed him down.
And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God,
a punishment for his own sins!
5 But he was pierced for our rebellion,
crushed for our sins.
He was beaten so we could be whole.
He was whipped so we could be healed.
6 All of us, like sheep, have strayed away.
We have left God’s paths to follow our own.
Yet the Lord laid on him
      the sins of us all.

may i never

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may i never be more attached to my material belongings
than i am to my identity which is found in you

may i never be defined by the clothes on my back or things in my house
than i am defined by who i am in you and where my real home is located (John 14:2-3)

may i never seek after being clothed in expensive things that will perish
but rather be clothed and draped in salvation and righteousness (Isaiah 61:10)

may my heart never be filled with greed, pride, lust, sadness, or hate
but rather be overflowing with joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control, love, and faithfulness (Gal. 5:22-23)

may my focus not be on the things here on this earth
but rather be set on heaven, where You are, seated at the right hand of God (Col. 3:1-2)

may i never be more focused on gaining earthly, human love
but rather to spread the perfect love of Christ over every single person I know (1 John 4:11)

may i never strive to gain the ideals of “American Christianity”
but rather to be a lover of Jesus Christ, and a follower of his word

may i never seek security in wealth, things, and people
but a security in my salvation and in my eternal destiny, in Him (Hebrews 6:13-20)

may i never forget my first love
the one who called me out of darkness, into his marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9)

lenten prayers and thoughts

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“Hope by its very nature captivates both our hearts and heads.  It evokes deep emotion.  It moves in and makes itself at home in our souls.  It takes up residence at the very core of who we are.  That is why it is so vital that we begin to place our hope in the Lord.” -Adam R. Holz

Breathe in me,
O Holy Spirit,
that my thoughts may all be holy.

Act in me,
O Holy Spirit,
that my work, too may be holy.

Draw my heart,
O Holy Spirit,
that I love only what is holy.

Strengthen me,
O Holy Spirit,
to defend all that is holy.

Guard me, then,
O Holy Spirit,
that I may always be holy.

-St. Augustine

Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven,
whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man against whom the LORD counts no iniquity,
and in whose spirit there is no deceit…
Many are the sorrows of the wicked,
but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the LORD.
Be glad in the LORD, and rejoice, O righteous,
and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!
Psalm 32: 1-2, 10-11

“O God, the deathless hope of everyone, we rejoice that you support us both when young and even to old age.  When our strength comes from you, it is strength indeed; but when our own strength is all we have, it is feebleness.  You give refreshment and true strength.” -St. Augustine

reflections of the past

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Two years have passed.  Two years ago, from Saturday, I stepped off a small airplane back into my life here in Oregon.  After a year of adventure beyond anything I ever thought I would experience in Thailand, I returned back to the States, sure that this was where I belonged for the time being.

Two years goes by really fast.  That’s all I know!

Never thought I’d still be here in Oregon.

I was sure I would be moving down to Southern California.

But God had other plans for me here.  Leading worship.  Following my heart and my passion, even though at the time it didn’t really make any sense at all.

That always seems to be how God works.  He requires a step of faith, and then takes the rest in his hands.

That’s how I ended up in Thailand.  About 3 years ago, I began emailing with GES, and 6 weeks later, I was on an airplane, headed off for an adventure of a lifetime.  I didn’t know anyone there.  I had no idea what I was getting myself into.  But as soon as I stepped foot off that airplane, taking a huge breath of the humidity/polluted air… I knew I was at home.

It’s funny now, because sometimes Thailand feels like forever ago, and other times it seems like it was just yesterday.  When we were on our missions trip to Nicaragua recently, one of the girls was like, “Are you sure you won’t go back and that your time there was done?  Because it seems like you still really miss it.”  It’s true.  More than words.  I really miss it.

My friends, my Thailand friends.  I miss you all.  I miss the fun times, the tears, the laughs, the wild and crazy adventures.  I hope to see you all again someday soon….  I know it was a unique time and place for each and every one of us to all be together that year.  But for now.. here are a few photo memories…

a short poem

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there never seems to be a way
to pen exactly the words i long to say
never seems to be one complete thought
everything just drifting in and out

there’s never quite a closed chapter
or a happily ever after
that brings completeness and joy
that isn’t marked with more blood and pain

i’ve never fully found all the words i long to say
without stumbling along the way
weeding in and out of the happy and sad
but just trying to hold onto truth

so even though i’ll never really know
all this life has to hold
i’ll just keep walking through
knowing i can hold onto You.

back

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I feel like I’m in a daze.  We returned this morning around 7 a.m. to the school, after traveling all day and night Friday.  Once I stepped foot into the house, I immediately jumped in the shower.  There’s nothing like taking a long, hot shower after traveling for a long time…

Took a 3 hour nap, now I’m just laying here in bed with many thoughts, and not quite feeling totally myself.

I learned so much on this second trip to Nicaragua.  God had a few divine appointments and conversations for me during the trip. I know that.  He’s been offering bucketfuls of healing and hope to my heart.  It’s comforting.  I pray it will continue.

Leaving tomorrow!

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Hey all,

We take off tomorrow for Nicaragua, and will return back in town on Saturday, March 26th!  Keep us in your prayers, if you’d like to follow us on our adventure, check into our blog for pictures and other updates: http://cchsnica.wordpress.com!

 

Ephesians 3:14-21

14 When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, 15 the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth.16 I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. 17 Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. 18 And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. 19 May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

20 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. 21 Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.

“He’s as close as breath, you just have to walk”

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What we want is a tidy picture
Neat and easy to read
What we get is a trust walk
Finding out what we really believe
Don’t you be surprised now when it doesn’t lead you
To a clearer place
To some great resolve
You don’t have to wonder if He’s still beside you
He’s as close as breath
You just have to walk

I have seen and I have heard that
this is just the way He works
And I’ll take this chance to remind me that
its His grace that keeps me moving
Moving on

What I want is for Him to tell me
I won’t always feel this pain
What I get is a constant love
When nothing else stays the same
I won’t be surprised now when it doesn’t lead me
To a clearer place or to some great resolve
I don’t have to wonder if He’s still beside me
He’s as close as breath
And I just have to walk

Moving on and on as far as He will take me
When I walk with Him I know…

solitude, silence, and God’s word

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“In solitude, we come to know the Spirit who has already been given to us.  The pains and struggles we encounter in our solitude thus become the way to hope, because our hope is not based on something that will happen after our sufferings are over, but on the real presence of God’s healing Spirit in the midst of these sufferings.”

“The Word of God is not a word to apply in our daily lives at some later date; it is a word to heal us through, and in our listening here and now.”

“The Word of God is always sacramental.  In the book of Genesis we are told that God created the world, but in Hebrew the words for ‘speaking’ and ‘creating’ are the same word.  Literally translated it says, ‘God spoke light and light was’.  For God, speaking is creating.  when we say that God’s word is sacred, we mean that God’s word is full of God’s presence.  On the road to Emmaus, Jesus became present through his word, and it was that presence that transformed sadness to joy and mourning to dancing… The word that is read and spoken wants to lead us into God’s presence and transform our hearts and minds…”

Henri Nouwen, from “With Burning Hearts”, and “Making All Things New”

One Thing Remains

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One Thing Remains- Bethel Live

Higher than the mountains that I face
Stronger than the power of the grave
Constant in the trial and the change
One thing… remains

Your love never fails, it never gives up
It never runs out on me

On and on and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul
And I never, ever, have to be afraid
One thing remains

Your love never fails, it never gives up
It never runs out on me

In death, in life, I’m confident and
covered by, the power of Your great love
My debt is paid, there’s nothing that
Can separate my heart from Your great love

Your love never fails, it never gives up
It never runs out on me